This One's For You Rishi: An Ode to My Balls

by Takimoto on Jan 20, 2009 5:32 PM PST

If none of this makes sense, read the hostile takeover thread. All of it.

my balls make Haloti Ngata look like LaMichael James.
Zach Follett asked my left testicle to be the chef of the Pain Train dining car
Sam Cassell's balls dance came about from a six-month stint he did working for me as my testicle caddy. That position is now held by trumpetduck and butthol, working in twelve-hour shifts.
My right nut taught itself how to talk. Its first words were NAILED IT!
My balls could organize a bloodless coup against TwistNHook's fascist regime, but they kinda wanna see where this goes.
My balls are currently holding Tom Holmoe and Joe Ayoob for ransom. In hindsight, this is the worst decision my balls have ever made.
My balls beat Adimchinobe Echemandu in a footrace. EDIT: My balls would also like credit for spelling Adimchinobi Echemandu's name right on the first try.
My balls declared themselves Sanchez, just so no one else could.

This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of SB Nation or the Addicted To Quack Moderators. FanPost opinions are valued expressions of opinion by passionate and knowledgeable Oregon fans.

Tweet Comment 19 comments | 5 recs |

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Your balls are making a pube salad and they need some Maharg's Own dressing.

Is a mancrush on LeGarrette Blount considered beastiality?

Addicted To Quack [dot] com; Where the Shufelts, butthols, and like half of the population of Chicago roam...

by qrsouther on Jan 20, 2009 6:43 PM PST reply actions

Oh gawd. I just threw up a little bit in my mouth.

It's spelled "S-H-U-G-S-D-E-A-D-H-Y-D-R-O-S"

by JShufelt on Jan 20, 2009 7:00 PM PST up reply actions

me too, and that’s saying something!

No, I’m not The Maharg but thanks for thinking of me so highly.

by Maharg on Jan 21, 2009 10:25 AM PST up reply actions

My balls are as bid as the swing of Tiger Woods – or so says Dan Bern

by bradLL99 on Jan 20, 2009 8:14 PM PST reply actions

I’ve got big balls!

Omar...I'm done with you. Hello Darren Ford! Come to papa.

by PacBellBoozer on Jan 20, 2009 11:34 PM PST reply actions

Interestingly, your balls misspelled Adimchinobe Echemandu the second time, while bragging about having spelled it right the first time. Ah, hubris, thou art a heartless bitch…

My HDTV is a torrented game that I can watch lag-free :(

Let LaMarcus keep the headband!

by inroywetrust on Jan 21, 2009 8:46 AM PST reply actions

Yes, but your balls still couldn’t tackle Marshawn Lynch.

I declare you Sanchez.

by Rishi on Jan 21, 2009 9:01 AM PST reply actions

Your balls love Zima

…(God they’re soft)

You ain't got it like Marshawn got it

by Thoroughbred on Jan 21, 2009 4:23 PM PST reply actions

I rec’d this, because its funny.

TYRANNICAL KING OF UC EUGENE! BRING ME THE HEAD OF SEATTLE QUACKER!

www.CaliforniaGoldenBlogs.com

by TwistNHook on Jan 21, 2009 4:56 PM PST reply actions

Oh damnit.

I was in Miami on business and missed all the fun.

1. That persona died when I moved back to Eugene.
2. You can’t have my head anyways. Though many say it’s rarely used, I feel it’s still useful to me.
3. And for your misdeeds in the cyberland of Quack, I hereby proclaim your new title to be…

BendNSnap

At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

by JConant on Jan 22, 2009 11:20 AM PST up reply actions 2 recs

My HDTV is a torrented game that I can watch lag-free :(

Let LaMarcus keep the headband!

by inroywetrust on Jan 22, 2009 12:48 PM PST up reply actions

WINNER.

Is a mancrush on LeGarrette Blount considered beastiality?

Addicted To Quack [dot] com; Where the Shufelts, butthols, and like half of the population of Chicago roam...

by qrsouther on Jan 22, 2009 4:10 PM PST up reply actions

I have been served. I am man enough to admit it. I’m just sorry it took me this long to see this post.

Nonetheless, BRING ME YOUR HEAD!

TYRANNICAL KING OF UC EUGENE! BRING ME THE HEAD OF SEATTLE QUACKER!

www.CaliforniaGoldenBlogs.com

by TwistNHook on Jan 24, 2009 10:45 PM PST up reply actions

Oh Snap!

No, I’m not The Maharg but thanks for thinking of me so highly.

by Maharg on Jan 25, 2009 9:39 PM PST up reply actions

I continue to see no head bringing.

TYRANNICAL KING OF UC EUGENE! BRING ME THE HEAD OF SEATTLE QUACKER!

www.CaliforniaGoldenBlogs.com

by TwistNHook on Jan 26, 2009 3:46 PM PST up reply actions

Can't have my head.

But come up to Eugene next fall for the Oregon v. Cal game and I’ll buy you a couple Oregon-brewed JDrafts with nice heads on them. Maybe we can bribe a couple college girls to do the BendNSnap in your honor.

Kinda like this

by JConant on Jan 26, 2009 9:15 PM PST up reply actions