Tako Tuesdays: You Can Not Be Serious!
by Takimoto on Jan 26, 2010 12:29 AM PST
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PrintNow I consider myself to be a pretty levelheaded guy. I can usually see, and even argue, both sides of an issue. There are a few things, however, that are undebateable:
March Madness is the best postseason tournament in all of sports.
The Oregon Ducks would have won the 2007 National Championship if not for Dennis Dixon's knee injury.
Red Vines are, in every way, superior to Twizzlers.
Consider the facts:
- If you look at the top of your browser when you visit http://www.redvines.com/ you will see:
Red Vines - THE premium quality licorice
I mean, you can't really argue with that. When you load www.twizzlers.com, you get hit with some awful jingle music.
- Twizzlers are strawberry-flavored candy twists. You know what flavor Red Vines are? RED. That's right, red. The most delicious flavor of all, just like red Gummi Bears and red Otter Pops, and don't give me that Poncho Punch crap, that's a racist otter and the flavor is red.
- Twizzlers Inc. has 15 different styles and flavors of candy, in exotic styles like Twerpz, Straws, and Sourz. Yeah, ok guys, have fun at the kid's table. Red Vines come in four styles: Red, Black, Strawberry, and Cherry. Twizzlers are Smirnoff vodka, with all their cutesy flavors and high-school girls taking half-ounce shots in their parents' basement. Red Vines are whiskey. Just give me two Red Vines, neat.
- Red Vines are healthier for you. Each vine is about 25 calories, while each Twizzler is 40. A serving of Red Vines (9 vines) contain 25g of sodium. A serving of Twizzlers (4 pieces) contain 95g. Good God that's a lot of sodium.
- Twizzlers have a chocolate flavor. Um, ew. If I wanted chocolate, the last thing I'd be looking for is chewy, fake tasting chocolate licorice. Give me a break.
- Red Vines have been around since 1914. That's almost 100 years of perfecting the recipe. Twizzlers have spent so much time thinking of new varieties that they kept the original flavors just as shitty as when they first came out.
- Twizzlers have spent millions on advertising, flashy packaging, and cutesy marketing schemes. You how Red Vines sell candy? By making fucking delicious licorice, that's how!
I think I've stated my case clearly.
Segue!
Since we've been talking about candy, here is a list of my top eight favorite candies, for your debating pleasure
1. Skittles - When I'm not craving any particular kind of candy, fruity or chocolate, I'm always gonna go fruity, and Skittles are fantastic. Not too chewy, you can separate the flavors or eat them all at once, and the sour Skittles are my favorite sour candy.
2. See's Candy Scotchmallows - For those of you unfamiliar with See's candy, a Scotchmallow is marshmallow, caramel, wrapped in dark chocolate. It's as if a Milky Way, a S'more, and crack cocaine has a three-way mega baby.
3. Red Vines - Now you understand the passion. I could eat the 64 oz. tub in three days if I'm left alone with it.
4. Kit Kat - Chocolate, meet wafer. SImple and delicious.
5. Zots - If you haven't had Zots, seek them out. A truly unique experience.
6. Tootsie Rolls - I might be in the minority on this one, and I know I just complained about chocolate Twizzlers. I can't explain why I like Tootsie rolls, but I do.
7. Gummi Bears - I only eat the red ones.
8. 100 Grand - It's like a Twix with crunchies in the chocolate. Bonus!
The Theft Thing
I'm gonna go ahead and not state my opinions, or try and guess at what may or may not have happened, because this whole story is bizarre. I do know that there is a reason why I never felt the need to get involved with the Greek system. Stay away from the frats Ducks. Board game night is just as fun, and you don't have to deal with stupid people you barely know.
Keg Stickers!
This is how emotional this whole licorice brouhaha has made me: everyone that was on the correct side of the argument gets a Keg Sticker. That means you, echo31, CaDuck, QuackinAK, trumpetduck, Dave, and Bill Musgrave. On top of that, Bill Musgrave is the official winner of the 2009 Tako Tuesdays award. His prize? 3 additional Keg Stickers!
Bill Musgrave
Matt Daddy 
Takimoto
Gorbachav5
ntrebon
echo31
CaDuck
trumpetduck
Addicted to Quack
QuackinAK
Keg icon via www.beerguide.com.au
Topic of discussion in the comments: What arguments are so one-sided you feel stupid having to write a FanPost defending it?
This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of SB Nation or the Addicted To Quack Moderators. FanPost opinions are valued expressions of opinion by passionate and knowledgeable Oregon fans.
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Saying Twizzlers are better then then Red Vines is like saying Russia is better than America.
don’t be a damn commie, and vote Red Vines.
Only losing THREE starters from the USC game. (Offense and Defense)
Ladies and Gentlemen your 2010-11 Oregon Ducks.
by QuackQuackAttack on Jan 26, 2010 4:58 AM PST reply actions 2 recs
I’m worried my poll is bad. I think the people voting for “I’m an idiot” are only voting that way because they’re idiots, and not because they like Twizzlers. Every person who likes Twizzlers is an idiot, but not every idiot likes Twizzlers.
It's spelled "T-H-E-I-M-P-A-C-T"
I support Roger Kieschnick in his quest to becoming the best Kieschnick ever to play professional baseball.
Addicted to Quack, the home of Tako Tuesdays
Yes, fuck Twizzlers
also, fantastic candy list. Kit Kat is a highly underrated candy and is my #1. I’ve never had Zots, and I am one of the few who think Tootsie Rolls suck. I would have starburst instead of Tootsie Rolls. Or maybe Peanut M&M’s.
--Dave
Addicted to Quack, SBN's Oregon Ducks blog
tootsie rolls are gross dude i'm not sure who (besides tako) likes them...
Proud winner of the 2009 ATQ Jersey Contest
While axemen is totally wrong about Red Vines
and Twizzlers were put on Earth by the devil himself, I have to agree about Tootsie Rolls. No me gusta.
--Dave
Addicted to Quack, SBN's Oregon Ducks blog
sickly sweet too chewy sticky balls of brown stuff+horrible aftertaste=tootsie roll
Proud winner of the 2009 ATQ Jersey Contest
sickly sweet too chewy sticky balls of brown stuff+horrible aftertaste=tootsie rollaxemen’s face
Fixed.
It's spelled "T-H-E-I-M-P-A-C-T"
I support Roger Kieschnick in his quest to becoming the best Kieschnick ever to play professional baseball.
Addicted to Quack, the home of Tako Tuesdays
i'll see your bet and raise you...
sickly sweet too chewy stick balls of brown stuff+horrible aftertaste= axemen’s face
Proud winner of the 2009 ATQ Jersey Contest
Talk to me when you’ve found the love of your life, and I’ll tell you why that’s offensive.
It's spelled "T-H-E-I-M-P-A-C-T"
I support Roger Kieschnick in his quest to becoming the best Kieschnick ever to play professional baseball.
Addicted to Quack, the home of Tako Tuesdays
how come someone hasn't made a sanchez joke yet with tootsie rolls?
Proud winner of the 2009 ATQ Jersey Contest
Because Tootsie rolls are awesome, and not liking them is like declaring yourself sanchez.
its spelled "S-H-U-F-E-L-T-N-O-B-A-L-L-S"
What is the equivalent of an anti-keg sticker? If you can think of one you should give it to axemen. That or until he repents from this terrible Twizzlers sin, he should be banned from Keg Stickers and the Jersey Contest forever. I think a good grounding might straighten this young lad out.
I support the calls to fire Matt Daddy
Addicted to Quack
I missed out the day of the Red Vines vs. Twizzler debate, but really… there is no contest.
Besides, Mr. Pibb + Red Vines = Crazy Delicious
Also, Tootsie Rolls are good too, but I love the flavored ones that only come out in those giant packages around Halloween.
Also good, Rolos. Bite sized awesome.
its spelled "S-H-U-F-E-L-T-N-O-B-A-L-L-S"
by JShufelt on Jan 26, 2010 8:01 AM PST reply actions 1 recs
Rec'd for Rolos!
Also, Reese’s are delicious. I don’t care what type (cups, stix, pieces)…they are a weakness!
May we hand you your taints on a silver platter...
The flavored tootsie rolls are money. It’s funny how there was a hierarchy to them though.
The orange and red ones always went first. Usually green next, and then yellow. Three weeks after Halloween, you would go to the Halloween candy and stare at nothing but: Smarties, random unmarked jawbreakers, hard yellow Starburst, and the vanilla-flavored Tootsie Rolls.
Defending maligned chants since 2009
I like the vanilla-flavored ones, but they are the last ones to go.
I’m a Orange > Yellow > Green > Red > Blue.
I’ll sometimes mix and match when I feel adventurous. Yellow + Green = Citrus Explosion
its spelled "S-H-U-F-E-L-T-N-O-B-A-L-L-S"
So Saturday night before the whole "frat theft" thing went down
I saw Masoli, Embry and the unnamed pac 10 QB at the 7 11 stocken up on some drunk munchies. I dont think I really need to even tell you, axmen14, where this is going. But I did takes some pictures so I thought this would be a great time to pass them along:
OMG that looks so tasty Masoli, oh and you broght enough to share
WTF, I am not surprised, but twizzlers dude? GTFO.
And nobody cares about Embry, still.
I Don't Yell O I SCREAM!
by trumpetduck on Jan 26, 2010 8:41 AM PST reply actions 5 recs
In light of above discussion I have decided to show you my picture of Embry also
Thats right bitches, tootsie rolls are awesome. Half candy half molding clay, practical and delicious.
I Don't Yell O I SCREAM!
Red Vines = yumm.
Twizzlers = meh.
Tootsie rolls = blech.
The "O" stands for "Oh dear god, when does football season start again?"
Rumor has it...
That MacGyver carried a pocketful of Tootsie Rolls to use as a substitue for plastic explosives. They are really that good!
"KENNY WHEATON'S GONNA SCORE!! KENNY WHEATON!!--Jerry Allen, 1994"
Can you buy Twizzlers by the drum?
No, you fucking can not.
by HoodRiverDuck on Jan 26, 2010 10:50 AM PST reply actions 1 recs
It's simple math
Red Vines = Amanda Pflugrad
Twizzlers = NOT Amanda Pflugrad:
by JonathanPDX on Jan 26, 2010 11:03 AM PST reply actions 3 recs
wrecked.
It's spelled "T-H-E-I-M-P-A-C-T"
I support Roger Kieschnick in his quest to becoming the best Kieschnick ever to play professional baseball.
Addicted to Quack, the home of Tako Tuesdays
My top candies:
1.Sprees
I always get these when I go to the movies. At the dollar tree, you can get a really big pack of em for a buck. Sometimes they make me sick cause I eat too many though :/
2.Fast Break
It’s got like, Reese’s peanut butter and nougat packed inside chocolate. It’s delicious
3.Handmade Belgian Truffles
OK, that’s a bit descriptive, but any handmade truffle. Doesn’t get much better than biting into one of those, oh hell yes! I especially like Leonidas’, they have a small shop in Bridgeport Village near Portland.
4.Starburst
I’ve always loved these, since I was a kid, still a favorite.
5.Kit Kat bar
There are those little wafers you can get in packages, chocolate flavored. Guess what? They’re not as good as Kit Kat’s! Sometimes I just crave these. Cause they’re good.
6.100 Grand bar
These are somewhat unknown(Tako likes em though), but my mom used to buy these for me and my brothermy brother and I when we were kids, and I still get them to this day!
7.Nerds
They’re addicting
8.Trolli Sour Brite Eggs
Ooooo these are good. It’s just like sour gummi inside a little egg-shaped shell. Mmmmm.
9.King Henry Peach Rings
This isn’t too specific. Normal peach rings, Trolli notably(even though they make those lovely little egg thingys), are just sweet. King Henry Peach Rings are sour too! Very good!
10.Rollo’s
My grandpa gave me these all the time before he passed away. They hold sentimental value, even though that sounds weird, along with just tasting real nice and smooth.
37-33, 47-20, 42-3, 65-38...So many scores to choose from!
"Nobody east of the Rockies talks about Oregon football, and that's just not right".
by Dixonforlife07 on Jan 26, 2010 11:07 AM PST reply actions
Nice call on Spree, I love the chewy ones.
It's spelled "T-H-E-I-M-P-A-C-T"
I support Roger Kieschnick in his quest to becoming the best Kieschnick ever to play professional baseball.
Addicted to Quack, the home of Tako Tuesdays
Agree on the Red Vines
Maybe you consider this sacrilege, but I have very fond memories of the purple ones you could get at the snack bar after Little League games. Were they grape flavored? Who knows? Who cares? They were fantastic.
Twizzlers blow.
Defending maligned chants since 2009
I never considered anything else at a snack bar but nachos and a Dr. Pepper. Or a snow cone, if they had snow cones and it was more than 90 degrees out. Or the other team had just lit me up for six runs. It was the Little League equivalent of a stiff drink after a rough day at the office.
It's spelled "T-H-E-I-M-P-A-C-T"
I support Roger Kieschnick in his quest to becoming the best Kieschnick ever to play professional baseball.
Addicted to Quack, the home of Tako Tuesdays
Yeah, I was never a nacho kid. I can’t STAND nacho cheese. I know, this makes me un-American (or un-Mexican, I’m not sure). So I always went for the candy – Red Vines (purple if they had ‘em, red if not), FunDip (it’s like drugs for children!), Airheads, etc.
But you’re right about the snow cones – those were beautiful.
Defending maligned chants since 2009
FunDip = awesome!
I always had to throw away the dip stick…I hated that thing.
May we hand you your taints on a silver platter...
Something I didn't consider until just now
Red Ropes. Ballgame staple. Long. You could wear it like a scarf and eat it from around your neck. Thoughts? Definitely behind Red Vines on texture and taste, but I couldn’t see myself eating Red Vines at a sporting event if Red Ropes were available.
It's spelled "T-H-E-I-M-P-A-C-T"
I support Roger Kieschnick in his quest to becoming the best Kieschnick ever to play professional baseball.
Addicted to Quack, the home of Tako Tuesdays
Very situational
But a necessity at baseball games.
I’m also a big fan of the sugar-coated licorice strips that you can get in trays at places like Costco. It even comes with the little red tongs so you can pick up the strip without getting sugar all over your fingers, just so you can grab the strip and…get sugar all over your fingers.
Defending maligned chants since 2009
Oh yeah those are good!
37-33, 47-20, 42-3, 65-38...So many scores to choose from!
"Nobody east of the Rockies talks about Oregon football, and that's just not right".
by Dixonforlife07 on Jan 26, 2010 11:28 AM PST up reply actions
My Candy List
1. Twix: Caramel, chocolate, cookie crunch. And there’s TWO OF THEM!!!
2. Haribo Gummi Bears: Yes, I specified the brand – Haribo is amazing. I like the white ones best. It’s absolutely a racial thing.
3. Peanut Butter M&M’s: Like Reese’s Pieces on steroids.
4. Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups: If not for the double wrapper, these might be number one. I want my candy easily accessible, dammit!
5. Skittles: Although I was tempted to leave this off for their disastrous attempt at introducing a chocolate flavor.
6. Rolo’s: I’m a sucker for caramel
7. Airheads: Another fond memory from Little League.
8. Heath Bars: By themselves? Not great. Bake them into cookies or mix them into ice cream? Outta my way, I WANT.
Defending maligned chants since 2009
I forgot about Twix!
Nice list though.
37-33, 47-20, 42-3, 65-38...So many scores to choose from!
"Nobody east of the Rockies talks about Oregon football, and that's just not right".
by Dixonforlife07 on Jan 26, 2010 11:28 AM PST up reply actions
I’m down with Tootsie Rolls by the way. Best part about them? They were so small, that you could steal them from the Halloween jar (or your sibling’s stash of Halloween candy) without anyone noticing.
No one ever notices when the Tootsie Roll is gone. Hehehehehe.
Defending maligned chants since 2009
ZOTS
Are available at my aforementioned favorite beer store in Portland—Belmont Station. They also have Ritter Sport chocolate and a number of other Eurocandies.
Personally I’m more of a chocolate person than a sugar person. In fact, Red Vines are one of the few sugary candies I actually like.
Zots are like hard candy with a Pop Rock center.
So, someday I fully expect to log on to AtQ and find that Takimoto has died from an acute ingestion of Zots and Belgian beer.
Just like Bobby Brady. Or something.
Have I mentioned I’ve taken too much cold medicine this morning?
Wow, really?
I can’t believe the fancy pants, high-falutin’, hoity toity candy lists I’m seeing. Where are you eating this stuff, at a wine tasting? Candy only has two categories: Stuff you pay for, and stuff other people pay for. If you’re buying it yourself a six dollar bag of truffles is NEVER better than a 59 cent Kit Kat. Everything breaks down into loose categories, sort of like TP playing zone defense.
Chocolate
Chocolate with nuts or other stuff crammed in it
Chocolate with peanut butter
Misc fruit, usually chewy
Stuff that hurts your teeth (jawbreakers, etc)
Pure Sugar (Pop Rocks, Pixie Sticks, a bag of sugar without the coloring, etc.)
Red Vines
Doughnuts (which can count as a snack OR a meal)
Beer
Both Red Vines and Twizzlers blow.
To describe either one of them as “licorice” is reason enough to be kicked in the balls repeatedly. There is only one color licorice ever comes in, BLACK. But I digress. A list of my favorite sugary treats would usually include:
Oreo’s: I know they’re cookies, and I don’t care. One bag of Oreo’s mixed with a gallon of milk in a punch bowl is fucking awesome.
Whoppers: The Happy Days of candy.
Caramello: “Lets take some hollow, chocolate squares, and fill them with liquid sugar. Scene.”
Honorable mention: Circus Peanuts. Yes, I know.
It was thought that the "Hanger" beat all shots. Then, the "Balancer" was discovered.
I second the thought about BLACK licorice
and on that note, not all black licorice is equal, generally speaking anything from Australia is better than any other black licorice, the best is:
1) Kookaburra: so good, but be warned eating a whole package in one sitting is NOT advised, if you do you will find out why later much later, as it can affect your flow, if you know what I mean. I’ve only found it in two stores: Trader Joes, and New Sagaya (a local health food store in Alaska)
2) any other black licorice from Australia
3) Panda: not as good as Kookaburra, but generally easier to find especially if there are no Trader Joe’s around.
4) Black Vines: a distant third to any of the above options, but if you need a licorice fix, well maybe you should just drink some beer instead because you will be disappointed if you have had any of the above options.
Circus Peanuts?
You’ve got to be kidding me. Axeman thinks that lame.
--Dave
Addicted to Quack, SBN's Oregon Ducks blog
Purely Nostalgic.
It was thought that the "Hanger" beat all shots. Then, the "Balancer" was discovered.
Anybody get any valentines hearts this year?
The ones in the little boxes made by Necco?
They’ve totally fucked them up. Took out the banana ones, changed the green minty ones to lime. How dare they fuck with my traditions. Fuck!
everything is history, eventually.
You mean sidewalk chalk? Is that what you’re talking about?
It's spelled "T-H-E-I-M-P-A-C-T"
I support Roger Kieschnick in his quest to becoming the best Kieschnick ever to play professional baseball.
Addicted to Quack, the home of Tako Tuesdays
by Takimoto on Jan 26, 2010 4:59 PM PST up reply actions 2 recs
Well, fuck me running.
I won me some beer, lots of it.
I can die now.
"Computers are useless. They can only give you answers."-Pablo Picasso
In your language it means: OMG
Or: Holy Shit!
"Computers are useless. They can only give you answers."-Pablo Picasso
by Bill Musgrave on Jan 26, 2010 5:54 PM PST up reply actions 1 recs
For example:
WILLIE GLASPER INJUREDFUCK FUCK FUCK OMGFUCK ME RUNNING BRING ME HASH
Proud winner of the 2009 ATQ Jersey Contest
by axemen23 on Jan 26, 2010 6:01 PM PST
Addicted To Quack [dot] com
I have a Ropert is God™ complex.
You have learned well, young padawan.
"Computers are useless. They can only give you answers."-Pablo Picasso
by Bill Musgrave on Jan 26, 2010 6:06 PM PST up reply actions
You are literally too stupid to insult.
Addicted To Quack [dot] com
I have a Ropert is God™ complex.
Dark Chocolate Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups are the shit … oh and also the Green Tea Kit Kats they have in Japan
Green Tea Kit Kats?!?!?!?! GTFO! I need them in me now!
It's spelled "T-H-E-I-M-P-A-C-T"
I support Roger Kieschnick in his quest to becoming the best Kieschnick ever to play professional baseball.
Addicted to Quack, the home of Tako Tuesdays
I set it up for you!
It's spelled "T-H-E-I-M-P-A-C-T"
I support Roger Kieschnick in his quest to becoming the best Kieschnick ever to play professional baseball.
Addicted to Quack, the home of Tako Tuesdays
my favorite candy fwiw is cookies and creme hersheys bars
Proud winner of the 2009 ATQ Jersey Contest
Top 10 Candies
1. Hershey Milk Chocolate
2. Cookie Dough Bites
3. Hershey Cookies and Cream Bar
4. 100 Grand
5. Three Musketeers
6. Reeces Pieces
7. Hershey Kisses
8. Andes Mints
9. Twinkies
10. Kit Kat
Cal didn't have DJaxFIRST
1. Dark Chocolate
2. Dark Chocolate
3. Dark Chocolate
4. Dark Chocolate
5. Dark Chocolate
6. Dark Chocolate
7. Dark Chocolate
8. Dark Chocolate
9. Dark Chocolate
10. Twizzlers, just cause dang, you people need to lighten up and realize Red Vines ain’t all that
Every few minutes, it hits me.
"Holy *$^#, the Saints are in the Super Bowl."
Yes, Red Vines ARE all that
Twizzlers suck.
--Dave
Addicted to Quack, SBN's Oregon Ducks blog
by David Piper on Jan 26, 2010 10:01 PM PST up reply actions
I thought we covered this? Have you not read a word I’ve blogged?
It's spelled "T-H-E-I-M-P-A-C-T"
I support Roger Kieschnick in his quest to becoming the best Kieschnick ever to play professional baseball.
Addicted to Quack, the home of Tako Tuesdays
Tako ∈ “you people”
Every few minutes, it hits me.
"Holy *$^#, the Saints are in the Super Bowl."
by AllSaintsDay on Jan 26, 2010 10:22 PM PST up reply actions
Personally,
I’m not a supporter of dark chocolate. Too bitter for my bland palette.
Kenjon Barner in a DNA helmet. 'Nuff said.
I agree. Dark Chocolate, unfortunately, is much too rich for my system.
Addicted To Quack [dot] com
I have a Ropert is God™ complex.
Completely agree
I’ve noticed, though, that people who really LOVE chocolate are way into dark chocolate. My wife, for example, is way into chocolate and she would always prefer dark over anything else.
I like chocolate, but only because it’s sweet. So I go for the milk chocolate.
Defending maligned chants since 2009
Some candies that I don't think I read about on here but thought about...
Lemonheads
Warheads (REALLY sour candy)
Jolly Ranchers
Jelly Belly Jelly Beans
Swedish Fish
Big League Chew
Also, let’s not forget what Hedberg has to say about Kit Kats…
“The Kit-Kat candy bar has the name ‘Kit-Kat’ imprinted into the chocolate…that robs you of chocolate! That is a clever chocolate saving technique. I go down to the factory, “You owe me some letters!”
May we hand you your taints on a silver platter...
WAIT!!!
I forgot, the best of all candy:
The Hershey’s Cookies and Cream bars.
I would give my firstborn son for a box of those.
Defending maligned chants since 2009
How did I forget to mention Butterfingers!!??
LaMichael James + Kenjon Barner + Lache Seastrunk + Dontae Williams + Remene Alston + Kenaon Lowe + ...
He's NEVER here when you need him.
Dammit! Where the hell is Groby when you need him!!??
LaMichael James + Kenjon Barner + Lache Seastrunk + Dontae Williams + Remene Alston + Kenaon Lowe + ...
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