I'm feeling pretty ADD today.  It's definitely not one of those 1000 words on one topic kind of weeks.  Instead, a series of quick topics to get the conversation juices flowing. 

Kangaroo Court

I'm gonna be honest here people.  The level of commenting has taken a dip lately.  I realize that we are getting more comments than ever on the Quack Fixes and Game Threads.  But we don't want to devolve into unintelligible babble that not even the mods can understand.  We aren't CGB, we have values. 

That being said, we can't just let Internet buffoonery go unchecked.  It's time for action.

Kangaroo courts have existed in sports, mainly in MLB clubhouses, for a long time.  Players police themselves, doling out fines and punishments if a player is late to a meeting, is improperly dressed, is missing equipment, or makes a boneheaded play.  The Golden Sombrero is absolutely a punishable offense (sounds NSFW, but it's not).  I believe this can be applied here at AtQ.  We already do a good job of ridiculing people for their offenses, but we need to take more personal accountability.  Plus, I think we're all running out of ways to make fun of HRD for reply-failing, or axemen23 for not getting the point. 

Failing to attribute a quote in the proper format (block quotes, link below) - Correct the formatting, apologize to Dom, move on.  This one's no big deal, as far as I'm concerned.

Typos - Use strikethroughs, correct your mistakes, then below the corrected comment, write, "Sorry AllSaintsDay, I'll proofread it next time."  Repeat offenders get a dictionary to the head via one of my Eddie Pleasants.

Reply failing - Instead of acknowledging the reply fail, write a new comment with only this in the subject box. "I think Ernie Kent is a great coach, and deserves to be here as long as he wants."

Incorrectly identifying a reply fail (like axemen23's gaffe in the 2/19 MQF) - First of all, learn how to use the "up" button.  Second, write a new comment with this in the subject box. "Ryan Appleby isn't so bad."

Falling into the SarChasm - Write a new comment with this in the subject box. "My sense of humor is almost as bad as Chip Kelly's coaching."

Writing a FanPost that could/should be a FanShot - In the Game Thread following your faux pas, any turnover/play resulting in a loss of yardage/basketball team facepalm will be referred to as "pulling a (insert your username here)".

Referencing a played-out meme that no one cares about anymore (declaring someone Sanchez, the jersey contest, Skip Belly) - The AtQ readership shall refer to you as "He (or She) Who Is Behind On the Times" for a period of one week.

Thinking and treating a friend of a friend of a friend is a source - You will be referred to as the UO Sports Dude for the next 48 hours.

Pissing off a mod - Prepare for an Internet bitch-slap.  'Cause it'll happen.

I'm not encouraging you to stop taking a stand (refer to Gorby's Tako Tuesday for how to properly take a stand), but just make your comments count.  Treat them like a tiny little mini-FanPost.  They're special.  Let's make them feel special.  If you have any more pet peeves about commenting, leave them below.

The Official Tako Tuesdays Response to the Oregon Ducks' Legal Troubles

First of all, rumor-mongering helps nothing.  Take a page from Chip Kelly's book, wait for information to come out, and react.  Speculation and pretending to have breaking information is annoying.  So shut the hell up.  Second, let's stop it with the "U" comparisons.  Miami in the 80's was sketchy behavior and sketchier connections running relatively unchecked for a decade.  This is bad timing that is being enforced by Chip Kelly and the athletic department.  Any comparisons to Miami is only perpetuating what the ignorant national media is spouting about the program.  Third, don't drive drunk. Fourth, don't defend drunk drivers on Facebook. 

Quick, Change the Subject!

With Oregon in the news for negative reasons, there are many rival fans who are getting a kick out of rubbing it in.  Rather than stooping to their level with comments like "Ted Bundy is a Husky", "42-3", or "Go fuck a sheep", let's try some other outlets.  Engaging in an intelligent conversation takes way too much energy, time, and research.  How about changing the subject?  Try some of these alternate topics:

- What the hell is going on with USA curling?

- Let's say John Wall had gone to Oregon.  Would we be good?

- Triscuits or Wheat Thins.  Who ya got?

- Is George Clooney a good actor, or just a good looking guy with on-screen wit?

- How good is the first Rush Hour?

- Would you want your NFL team to sign Randy Moss?

- If a tree falls in the woods and hits a mime, does anyone care?

Hot Tub Time Machine

I believe in America.  I love this country, and wouldn't want to live anywhere else.  But Hot Tub Time Machine is making me question my beliefs.  This could be the worst movie in the history of movies.  It's making me hate Hollywood, capitalism, and free speech.  But worst of all, it's ruining two things I love.  Who doesn't love a hot tub?  Hot water, massage jets, and little clothing.  It's the American dream.  And how cool are time machines?  Back To the Future?  Classic.  Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure?  Almost a classic, definitely a great movie.  But this movie takes two things we all love and makes a mockery of them.  Personally, I'm offended, and I think you should be too.

Things I Love About the Winter Olympics

- I don't need a reason to chant "USA!, USA!", but the Olympics is the best reason of all. 

- It's really fun rooting against: Korean speed skaters, Evgeni Plushchenko, any cross-country skier, Germany.

- Bobsleds are running at 90+ MPH speeds.  Awesome.

- Ski and snowboard cross are both fantastic editions to the lineup.  As much fun as watching one person ski down a mountain as fast as they can is, watching four people try to avoid each other and ski down a mountain as fast as they can is way more entertaining. 

- Sure, the halfpipe event is just padding the American medal count.  Doesn't mean it isn't awesome.

Things I Don't Love About the Winter Olympics

- Cross-country skiing sucks.

- Women's hockey sucks.

- Ski jumping sucks.  The jumpers are too good.  Nobody falls anymore.  Trumpetduck proposed the idea of a double jump: you go off the first jump, land on another ramp, and jump again.  I say we change the grade of the landing area, so competitors are flying twice as far.  Either way, it'd be way more entertaining to watch.

- I realize that Georgian luger died.  But the accident made the entire luge competition suck.  The safe, toned down version of luge just wasn't exciting to watch.  It's too bad. 

- Mary Carillo sucks.

Takimoto's Grand Plan to Fix Basketball

Am I the only one who thinks Michael Dunigan does not have a future in Oregon basketball?  I know he's only a sophomore, but he's proven a few things: he isn't very comfortable with the ball in his hands, he's not the greatest decision maker, he's not a good defender, and he hasn't yet grown into his body.  If it were me, I'd be building a gameplan around three guys:

Matt Humphrey - He has inside-out scoring ability, he's a very good one-on-one defender, and he's got the potential to be a crunch-time scorer.  He should be taking the most shots on the team, and making 42-45% of them.  Of all the players on the team, if you were to tell Matt, "You are going to shoulder the scoring load, so go get your shots," there would be the biggest step up in production.  Let's give him the keys to the scoring machine.

E.J Singler - Redshirt this, Coach Kent!  EJ's already one of our best offensive rebounders, position withstanding, can score if needed, and has the highest basketball IQ on the team.  He's got to improve his defensive rebounding and sustaining his intensity, but he's a great team basketball player, which is exactly what this team needs.

Jeremy Jacob - He has a very good post game for a sophomore, and the offensive gameplanning is finally taking notice.  The next step is looking for kick-outs to open shooters and cutters to the basket for layups, and not forcing up contested shots.  He's consistent, and has good footwork.  He's everything we wished Franz Dorsanvil was, only with a decidedly less cool name. 

These three, along with Armstead and Sim splitting the point, Teondre spelling Humphrey with the goal of getting to the hole, getting to the line, and getting his one highlight dunk a game, Wiley spelling EJ to hit threes and defend bigger guys, and Dunigan and Crittle clogging up the middle and trying not to screw things up, would win more games than whatever the hell we're doing now.

The Official Tako Tuesdays Response to John Canzano on OTL

If John Canzano was hanging off the edge of a cliff, and all he needed to pull himself up was a single crap, and I was standing over him with a bag of craps, he'd be a dead man because I don't give a crap.  Am I gonna watch Outside the Lines tomorrow?  Maybe, only because there's nothing else on between noon and 12:30.  Is his opinion going to change how the national media views the Oregon football program?  Probably not.  Most opinions, especially on ESPN, have already been formed.  Case in point, the talking heads on Around the Horn and PTI on Monday.  The general consensus is that Chip Kelly is beginning to lose control on the program, and we are a small, more informed minority.  Time and information will change this opinion, but it's not going to change today.  Instead, let's turn it into a drinking game!

The John Canzano Drinking Game!

If he says Chip Kelly is losing or has lost control, drink once.
If he says LaMichael James should be immediately suspended, drink twice.
If he calls for Chip Kelly to be fired, drink three times.
If he claims to have insider information, drink four times.
If he predicts Oregon missing a bowl game next season, drink a beer.
If he makes a good, unbiased appearance that leaves you with a good feeling in your heart, take a shot.
If Dick Schaap rises from the grave and slaps Canzano, take a Jager Bomb, cuz that was AWESOME!

As always, keep it jovial in the comments.  Go Ducks.