Are You There, Juju? It's me Jeremy.

(Editor's note: I'm not going to do a weekly post throughout the season. I just wanted to do something fun and this came to mind.)

Are you there Juju? It’s me, Jeremy.

Just a few more days until kick-off and I’m feeling selfish tonight. Despite all you gave us last season, I’m hoping for more.

I’d like more sunny Saturdays. More tailgate festivities with ATQers from all over the country (and Canada). More visits from College GameDay. More late-night post-game pizza feasts with Dom, Sherrie and Joe. More snow angels in Dom’s living room carpet. More red roses.

I’d like another Pac-10 championship.

You see, I love my Ducks. We Duck fans celebrate your Juju goodness and are hoping that you too will love our Ducks, again. If you’re in a giving mood, I have a short list:

Give Chip Kelly the words to inspire his team and staff to greatness. And an extra large visor to contain his huge brain. Also, give him the wisdom to say "no" when Michigan comes calling during the off season.

Give our Duck players patience, so that they might turn the other cheek instead of dropping a Falcon Punch on the first fool who runs his mouth.

Give Darron Thomas one of those sweet all-black martial arts get-ups, cause he’s got more weapons around him than a well-armed ninja.

Give Casey Matthews even longer hair. It gives him the strength of Samson.

Give Remene Alston bionic feet and ankles. We’d like to see him play a whole bunch this year.

Give Portland State a big fat check.

Give LaMichael James a deployable parachute, because nothing else is going to slow him down.

Give one to Kenjon Barner too. Got no brakes on that kid.

Give our cornerbacks super-human hearing, so they’ll know to turn their heads and look when their teammates yell "BALL!!!".

Give John Boyett a gentle reminder that when he makes a game-sealing interception it’s not at all gay to drop to the ground and spoon the ball.

Give our offensive linemen a whole lot of butter and syrup. They’ll need it for all those pancakes.

Give Eddie Pleasant a padded helmet, for everyone else’s safety. Please. Think of the children.

Oh, and one more thing, Juju. Go ahead and give Jake Locker a few wins in places like Provo, Tucson, Berkeley, Pullman and Seattle. Cause he sure as hell ain’t getting one in Eugene.


That is all,


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