Barner Vs FBS: Week 2

Having lost his starting job - a decision we were assured was probably not based on job performance - our hero was limited to a single score against Tennessee, on an rocket-fueled punt return that essentially stuck a fork in the quivering carcass of the Vols.

(I learned this week on Mad Men that a Rocket Fuel cocktail consists of Mountain Dew and vodka. Absurd. Mountain Dew mixes much better with Jaegermeister.)

(I also learned this week on Mad Men that a "cocktail" has at least three ingredients. Vodka and Mountain Dew is an "emergency.")

But I digress. A number of teams broke out of their not-scoring doldrums, roughly cutting in half the Number Of Teams KjB Has Outscored This Season. 

Points Scored By Kenjon Barner in 2010:  36

Teams Outscored By Kenjon Barner in 2010: 22

1. La.-Monroe 7 *
2. Colorado St. 9
3. FIU 14 *
4. New Mexico 17
5. San Jose St. 17
6. New Mexico St. 21 *
7. Oregon St. 21 *
8. Toledo 22
9. UCLA 22
10. North Carolina 24 *
11. Vanderbilt 24
12. Navy 27
13. Fresno St. 28 *
14. Marshall 28
15. Colorado 31
16. Kansas 31
17. UNLV 31
18. Boise St. 33 *
19. Northern Ill. 33 *
20. Iowa St. 34
21. Memphis 34 *
22. Wyoming 35

(* - one game)

Teams On The Bubble: La Tech 36, BYU 37, Buffalo 37, La-Lafayette 38, UAB 38, WKy 38

Fail Notes:

• UNLV had first and goal at Utah's 1 yard line late in the game. No points. Still ranked.
• After coming up small against North Dakota State last week, Kansas unleashed a veritable tornado of offense against #15 Georgia Tech; their four TDs moved them from #2 in the Most Outscored By KjB Rankings to almost  the bubble.
• Colorado had plenty of chances to get off this list during their Berkeley Bitchslapping. In the 2nd quarter the Buffys put together a tooth-grinding, 17-play, 36-yard drive that eventually went from first and goal at the Bears 3 to a missed 42-yard FG. And with under a minute left in the game, when all hope seemed lost, Colorado receiver Ryan Deehan had a first down in the red zone, lost it on a fumble, and watched helplessly as Darian Hagan picked up the ball and ran 82 yards the other way. 
• Marshall, Marshall, Marshall....  In the bitter rivalry with West Virginia (contested all of nine times in 105 years), the Thundering Hurl went from 1st and goal and Put This Game Away in the 4th quarter, to Can't Even Make A FG In Overtime. 
• What happens when a bad FBS triple option offense meets an FCS triple option offense? Not much. In what might prove to be the crummy game of the season, Navy overcame all efforts by FCS Georgia Southern to bore them into submission, winning 13-7 after rolling up 193 yards of offense and holding the Eagles to 109. The drive chart of this game is truly a wonder, as in "I wonder how Obama, as commander-in-chief, tolerates this level of military ineptitude?" Also, "how bad is Maryland?" (Answer: a 62-3 win over Morgan St blew the Terps out of the KjB rankings.)
• In another example of the traditional SEC ineptitude of Vanderbilt, I present the Commode's drive chart for their home "effort" against LSU:  3 and out; 3 and out; 5 for -3 and out; 3 and out; 3 and out; 6 and out; 3 and out; OMG A FIELD GOAL WTF THEM TIGGAZ WUZ EAZY; 6 and out; 8 and out; 3 and out. (To their credit, Vandy did force LSU into three straight 3-and-outs of their own to start the game. Vandy leads the NCAA in all-time moral victories, I suspect.)
• Your Pac-10 Scoring Fail Quiz: (I know you weren't watching this one late -- hell, Mike Bellotti probably wasn't even watching, and he was getting paid to.)
  UCLA had a first down at the Stanford 14 late in their 0-35 pukefest. The Ruins responded to their hitherto unknown success by..
  (a) committing a personal foul, pushing them out of the red zone;
  (b) dropping two passes;
  (c) throwing an interception;
  (d) all of the above.
  Do I even have to provide the answer here? 
• This week's poll question: Will KjB outscore Colorado State and New Mexico on the season *combined*?
  The Lambs are your FBS Not Scoring Leaders, averaging just over two safeties a contest, although to their credit they did double their output this week (while more than doubling their points allowed). CSU has lost 11 straight; their last win was against Nevada, who paid them back with interest, 51-6, this week. Remember when CSU had good teams? Me neither.
  Meanwhile, UNM shocked the world, Tommy Tuberville included, by staying semi-competitive against Texas Tech for a half, miraculously rolling up 17 points, or roughly Infinity more than their previous effort, and trailing by just two scores. After celebrating at halftime, the Lobos finished the game with Punt / Punt / Pick / Punt / Pick / Punt / Fumble, also known as "returning to form." 
  Circle October 30 on your schedules, kids; that's when the Lobos invade Fort Collins in what will almost certainly be the Game of the Weak.