Posted: 09/05/2010 7:56 PM
Re: 7 Stages of Husky Football
C'mon, get them right. There are actually 13 stages which play out between coaching changes:

1) Post Season Hype. We Competed With The Cougars--beat them badly or even lose to them in stupendous fashion and talk about how you'll be dominant soon. Next year is the Return To Dominance.

2) LOI Day Hype. Another Crop of Fetters' King County All Stars Signs. Incomparable talent pours into the program and Auburndawg gets starstruck while nearly everyone worth an actual damn in the region has gone elsewhere, (J-Stew, Schilling, Mays, Heaps) for better opportunities. How can the Ducks, Cal, Beavers, whomever, possibly compete now?

3) Spring Game Hype. Gold against Purple, Purple against White, It Doesn't Matter. The O-line looks great, the D-line looks improved and no one notices tubs of soft margarine trying to sharpen butter knives. Another year in the system of Actual Coaching will improve everyone automatically come autumn.

4) Summer Hype. Everyone Has Stayed And Worked Harder Than Anyone In The History Of The Game. Piles of goo like Cort Dennison lose five pounds but still have moobs. New weight lifting records are set. The coaches have been learning from their mistakes. Everyone at Montlake will improve because there are no two star players impeding the Return To Dominance. No one has more upside than we do.

5) Fall Camp Hype. No One Will Be Able To Stop Stanback/Locker/Montana. Sometimes this stage is totally ridiculous, such as 10 in '10! and Jake For Heisman.

6) Prediction Time. We Will Be 10-2 Road Winners. Never mind the inconvenient fact that the last road win was in 2007, the Dawgs are going to the Rose Bowl.

7) Reality Sets In. The Team Loses Like Always. The ever elusive low level bowl game seems a pipe dream and the team looks like a decent impersonation of Gilby's and Ty's best teams.

8) Rationalizations Begin, The Coaches Are Being Paid About $3 Million Per Year To Learn On The Job. Bad schemes, bad shot calling, bad execution, bad reads, bad special teams, bad defensive lapses, are all blamed on the predecessor because the alternative is too horrific to contemplate.

9) Season Down The Drain. Birth (Or Rebirth) Of The Negadawg. No need to elaborate.

10) The Fire Coach _______ Website Is Announced.

11) The Conspiracy Theories Are Spun. Does The Upper Campus Hate Football? Do The Trustees Want the Husky Stadium Site For Its Real Estate Value?

12) Name Your Favorite Coach To Replace Coach X. Big Names Are Floated But None Are Realistic. The doogs do not realize that UW is no longer a destination job, but a career killer. Undeterred, they believe the coaching savior of choice will come to be the Next Don James Forever. After getting shaken down for pay raises by coaches nationwide, the final stage is. . . .

13) Hire The Next Incompetent Coach For More Money Than The Last One. Then, restart the cycle for the new hack at Step 2, with stories about what a wonderful job he did salvaging the latest class of Fetters' King County All Stars. Apologist Doogs for the new guy are on the job immediately while the old line Dawgs just shake their heads at the insanity of it all. Meanwhile no one fires the UW President.