My girlfriends Stanford's game day experience


what its like to date a duck

  • wake up at 6:45 a.m. and instinctively watch college game day instead of going back to sleep like normal mammals
  • don’t eat breakfast until aforementioned game day is over because god forbid you leave the television at anytime during the 2 hour show because who on this side of the western hemisphere wants to miss coach corso picking the non-duck team and miss him wearing a redwood tree hat.
  • show up to your nieces last soccer game dressed in completely the opposite team color flanked in what looks like 2 green bushes (picture grown man and brother decked in green)
  • leave immediately after the soccer game only to get to stanford 4.5 hours before the game (“are we going to get good parking??!!!??”)
  • walk around the entire campus with a confident “i’m a duck and you’re not” visitors smile on your face because if your significant duck turns around and looks at you eyeballing a geeky cardinal for any reason other than to throw a stink eye and/or insult, you will magically turn into duckfeed. and get side checked so bad that you’ll have to go pee again. (really? that doesn’t happen to you? just me?)
  • sit in the trunk of the car during tailgating because the significant duck and co. were so amped to leave for the game they left the extra lawn chair in narnia (“i didn’t know there was another chair you wanted us to get??? where was it?”) 
  • pee in a cheese and crackers party tray. 1. stanford does not believe in more than 2 portapotties and 2. aim is not my friend. note to other selfs: cheese party trays will do the trick.
  • get growled at on the way to the stadium. which, on top of all the “interesting” and “enthusiastic” stanford students who came out for the game looking like they hadn’t seen sun since before midterms,  why do they growl at stanford? is that what they teach in quantum physics as an intimidation tactic?
  •  enter stadium, prepare hands and ears for the “fast clap”
  • go the restroom by yourself because significant duck might cry if he leaves his seat (“again?? you just went before the game”… “it’s halftime, dad. take me. … or not.”)
  • watch the cheesiest halftime show ever choreographed. video game theme + marching band = very asian and very nerdy. (who said i was bad at math?)
  • go deaf from fast clap.
  • regain a bit of hearing only to catch the significant duck get upset. “what is this?? ICE SKATING?!”
  • remaining sense of hearing gets blown out by more fast clapping.
  • win the day.

  • treat yourself to mcdonalds.

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