We'll be following a time line-style diary format for this one, with picture illustrations, because there isn't time to give it the novel it deserves. Warner Bros has the movie rights though (cost them 3 bags of Twizzlers) so stay tuned. On with the show!
Saturday, November 5, 2011
8:30 A.M.: Axemen23 gets in the car in Eugene and heads north. 32 ounce gatorade in hand and this audio over the speakers. It's time for the ascent into hell, the land of many evils. Don James, Pimps, Assholes and the like. Fuck them all.
10:30 A.M: "In 500 Feet, turn VROOOOOOOMM." Why the hell does Google Maps not feel the need to tell me where to turn into Shufelt's office building until I blow by it at 50 MPH?
10:33 A.M: The ATQ trio is united at last, and sets off towards the bridge of hell. First "rec" of the day goes to JShufelt for the first "Fuck Washington" of the day, but certainly not the last.
10:55 A.M: The entrance into Hell is swift and brutal. The warriors are out in full force, and many middle fingers and stares are exchanged. The following PSAs can be gleaned from the 3 hours north: Florida has some messed up sex laws, There are lots of fun musicians in Portland, Fuck Washington, There are lots of meth users in Oregon, NO JSHUFELT YOU CAN'T DRINK THAT STARBUCKS ENERGY DRINK THAT SONOFABITCH LIQUID'S FROM WASHINGTON. FUCK WASHINGTON AND FUCK STARBUCKS.
1:35 P.M: Arrival at BB Mcgraws in Federal Way. Walk in to see Owusu unconscious on the field (again). Somehow, this doesn't surprise any of us.
1:37 P.M.: DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE NEW OUTDOOR PATIO? NEW OUTDOOR PATIO? WE SHOULD GO SEE IT? IS IT NEW? WHAT'S NEW? THE OUTDOOR PATIO! THEY HAVE A NEW OUTDOOR PATIO? WHERE?
1:42 P.M: Pelican/gif.
1:48 P.M. Wait, is Stanford going to actually lose to OSU?
2:10 P.M: Nope.
2:25 P.M: Hey, did you know that Brock Osweiler is 6 foot 8? I wonder if we can measure things in Osweilers. For future reference, one Osweiler=6 feet 8 inches. Wait he's 6 foot 8? That's not right. He has to be 6 yards 8 feet tall. For future reference, one Osweiler=6 yards 8 inches (this would later come in handy).
Break for eating food and giving out recs, flags and other various memes. People think we're nuts. Are they wrong?
3:15 P.M: Axemen23 holds the door for a teenage kid wearing the jersey of the best running back in the history of mankind. Goodwill established. After door is about shut, JShufelt says "Fuck you Washington." Goodwill lost. Fuck Washington.
3:50 PM: Which is worse, UFC under-card fighting or monster trucks on cable?
5:30 PM: Park and Ride in Federal Way. Well, sort of. Discussion about whether they'll tow Axemen's car from the mall parking lot. Hopefully not. Probably not. They'd better not. PLEASE DON'T TOW MY GODDAMN CAR. Axemen moment #17: "Maybe I should call the mall security and tell them not to tow my car." JPDX: "Yeah, tell them not to tow your illegally parked car. Maybe you should call the store and tell them not to look for any missing shampoo bottles at the hotel." Rec.
I've never seen so many people happy about being down 7 at halftime. What's that Fusky want? He wants to take us Ho Slaying? I wonder what ATQ will say about this? Greasy garden gnomes? The fuck is urban dictionary talking about?
End of Photo Bomb.
10:55 PM: Drunk Uw fans: Well fuck you guys. You, you're too fat ginger and white to wear that Darron Thomas jersey. And you, You're too slow white and, well, you've got eye black on so I guess you're black enough. Axemen23: You know, you guys are way too drunk and losers to be wearing those Jake Locker jerseys. Later: JPDX: What about me? Axemen23: They just completely ignored you. You weren't even worth a look. You're Will Murphy!
11:45 PM: THANK GOD THE CAR IS STILL HERE!!!
12:20 AM: Server #1 won't seat the duck fans at Dennys.
12:22 AM: Server #2 won't seat the duck fans at Dennys.
12:23 AM: Finally, we can get some food!
12:25 AM: None of this looks like food. Subsequent question: If Darron Thomas were to eat a Dennys grilled cheese with those mozzarella sticks in the middle, does that count as 2 of his quota for a game?
2:10 AM: Simultaneous heartburn for Axemen23 and JShufelt
Everything after this is sort of blurry, mostly due to exhaustion. Feel free to add on JPDX and Shufelt, it was a blast and an honor to conquer the bloody dogs with you. Once more, FUCK. WASHINGTON.
Who do you think you'd have the most fun with on a road trip.
JonathanPDX (3 votes)
JShufelt (14 votes)
Axemen23 (5 votes)
Did you hear about the new Outdoor Patio? (30 votes)
52 total votes