ATQ Invades Hell: The story of Axemen23, JonathanPDX and JShufelt's Northern Excursion

We'll be following a time line-style diary format for this one, with picture illustrations, because there isn't time to give it the novel it deserves. Warner Bros has the movie rights though (cost them 3 bags of Twizzlers) so stay tuned. On with the show!

Saturday, November 5, 2011

8:30 A.M.: Axemen23 gets in the car in Eugene and heads north. 32 ounce gatorade in hand and this audio over the speakers. It's time for the ascent into hell, the land of many evils. Don James, Pimps, Assholes and the like. Fuck them all.

10:30 A.M: "In 500 Feet, turn VROOOOOOOMM." Why the hell does Google Maps not feel the need to tell me where to turn into Shufelt's office building until I blow by it at 50 MPH?

10:33 A.M: The ATQ trio is united at last, and sets off towards the bridge of hell. First "rec" of the day goes to JShufelt for the first "Fuck Washington" of the day, but certainly not the last. 

10:55 A.M: The entrance into Hell is swift and brutal. The warriors are out in full force, and many middle fingers and stares are exchanged. The following PSAs can be gleaned from the 3 hours north: Florida has some messed up sex laws, There are lots of fun musicians in Portland, Fuck Washington, There are lots of meth users in Oregon, NO JSHUFELT YOU CAN'T DRINK THAT STARBUCKS ENERGY DRINK THAT SONOFABITCH LIQUID'S FROM WASHINGTON. FUCK WASHINGTON AND FUCK STARBUCKS.

1:35 P.M: Arrival at BB Mcgraws in Federal Way. Walk in to see Owusu unconscious on the field (again). Somehow, this doesn't surprise any of us.


1:42 P.M: Pelican/gif.

1:48 P.M. Wait, is Stanford going to actually lose to OSU?

2:10 P.M: Nope.

2:25 P.M: Hey, did you know that Brock Osweiler is 6 foot 8? I wonder if we can measure things in Osweilers. For future reference, one Osweiler=6 feet 8 inches. Wait he's 6 foot 8? That's not right. He has to be 6 yards 8 feet tall. For future reference, one Osweiler=6 yards 8 inches (this would later come in handy).

Break for eating food and giving out recs, flags and other various memes. People think we're nuts. Are they wrong?

3:15 P.M: Axemen23 holds the door for a teenage kid wearing the jersey of the best running back in the history of mankind. Goodwill established. After door is about shut, JShufelt says "Fuck you Washington." Goodwill lost. Fuck Washington.

3:50 PM: Which is worse, UFC under-card fighting or monster trucks on cable?

3:59 PM: Return to Best Western to rest and watch Cal's ass-kicking of WSU. Pooooor Cougars. View Full Size Image JShuelt does some busywork in preparation for the culmination of HIHWD 2011

5:30 PM: Park and Ride in Federal Way. Well, sort of. Discussion about whether they'll tow Axemen's car from the mall parking lot. Hopefully not. Probably not. They'd better not. PLEASE DON'T TOW MY GODDAMN CAR. Axemen moment #17: "Maybe I should call the mall security and tell them not to tow my car." JPDX: "Yeah, tell them not to tow your illegally parked car. Maybe you should call the store and tell them not to look for any missing shampoo bottles at the hotel." Rec.


View Full Size Image Holy shit, did the stadium collapse? Nah, Axemen's camera is upside down. Fuck.


View Full Size Image Ah yes, memories indeed. 2007, 2009, 2011? We'll soon find out, old foe. FUCK WASHINGTON.

View Full Size Image I've never seen so many people happy about being down 7 at halftime. What's that Fusky want? He wants to take us Ho Slaying? I wonder what ATQ will say about this? Greasy garden gnomes? The fuck is urban dictionary talking about?

View Full Size Image WTF is a pitch, and what is it doing in our offense?

View Full Size Image Where did all the people go? The party's just getting started!

View Full Size Image And there was much rejoicing. 8 YEARS IN A ROW YOU SONSABITCHES.

End of Photo Bomb.

10:55 PM: Drunk Uw fans: Well fuck you guys. You, you're too fat ginger and white to wear that Darron Thomas jersey. And you, You're too slow white and, well, you've got eye black on so I guess you're black enough. Axemen23: You know, you guys are way too drunk and losers to be wearing those Jake Locker jerseys. Later: JPDX: What about me? Axemen23: They just completely ignored you. You weren't even worth a look. You're Will Murphy!


12:20 AM: Server #1 won't seat the duck fans at Dennys.

12:22 AM: Server #2 won't seat the duck fans at Dennys.

12:23 AM: Finally, we can get some food!

12:25 AM: None of this looks like food. Subsequent question: If Darron Thomas were to eat a Dennys grilled cheese with those mozzarella sticks in the middle, does that count as 2 of his quota for a game?

2:10 AM: Simultaneous heartburn for Axemen23 and JShufelt


Everything after this is sort of blurry, mostly due to exhaustion. Feel free to add on JPDX and Shufelt, it was a blast and an honor to conquer the bloody dogs with you. Once more, FUCK. WASHINGTON.

This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of SB Nation or the Addicted To Quack Moderators. FanPost opinions are valued expressions of opinion by passionate and knowledgeable Oregon fans.

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