The Tako Tuesdays Guide to Underage Drinking
by Takimoto on May 31, 2011 9:00 AM PDT
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PrintPlease Note: addictedtoquack.com and its staff do not condone underage drinking. The opinions of Takimoto in no way reflect the opinions of this site, or any of the SB Nation communities. And no, addictedquack.com will not buy you beer. Even if you let us keep the change.
Most everyone has at least one story of drunken, college-era debauchery. It might be the run-of-the-mill, goes to their first party, drinks four Keystone Lights and pukes in a trash can story; the slighty juicier, drinks too much tequila and wakes up in a bush with no pants and a girl with a moustache story; or the, after too much whiskey your buddy convinces you it's a good idea to throw your roommate's bike in a creek story. And I'm sure there are many readers out there wear the badge of an MIP; it's a slap on the wrist, serving as a reminder not to be so stupid next time. In the wake of Tyson Coleman's recent run-in with Eugene's finest, I bring you a simple set of guidelines for proper college revelry.
- Do it inside - The cops can't just enter any old house and bust you. So find a place to kick it, have your fun, and crash on the couch. It's when minors wander outside where things get dicey. Drunken adventures outside make it known to the public that you're drunk, and you're putting yourself on the cops' turf. Most of all, it usually leads to other illegal activities: trespassing, lewd conduct, or worse.
- Do it quietly - It's not the drinking that gets the cops to a house party; it's the noise. And in an apartment, forget about it. You can't play loud music or have more than ten people in your place to play Flip Cup, or somebody in your building WILL call the cops. Yes, it is a lot of fun to get rowdy and yell a bunch. There is a place for that. It's called a bar. You'll get there soon enough. For now, keep it down.
- Don't get out of hand - The more you drink, the harder it is to follow the first two rules. The urges to pee outside, sprint to Dairy Queen before it closes, or punch somebody become stronger and stronger with every drink. And if you reach that blackout point, it's a crapshoot, because you are no longer consciously in charge of your actions. No one likes a sloppy drunk, and no one likes a drunk who has to be cared for. Don't be that guy (or gal): keep in within reason.
- Have a drink in your hand as little as possible - If confronted by a police officer, it helps the case that you haven't been drinking if you aren't holding a drink. If you're empty-handed, and you aren't visibly drunk, there's a chance you can get away with the "I'm the DD" defense. It's a longshot, but it couldn't hurt.
- If you do get caught, don't panic - Yeah, you're gonna get fined. If you get caught on campus, you might have to attend one of those "responsible choices" classes. But you aren't gonna have a criminal record, you won't get thrown out of school, and your life isn't over. So just suck it up and take the punishment. And seriously, if you're gonna get caught, don't get caught with a Four Loko. What, was the 7-11 out of Smirnoff Ice Rockin' Raspberry? That's just embarrassing. Nate Longshore thinks you're a candy-ass.
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Worst Party Ever.
12-0 (9-0)
Oregon -- Oregon, for heaven's sakes -- is playing for the national championship. --Ivan Maisel
Jeez, between this buzzkill of a guide and this article suggesting Timbers fans should stay sober on a Saturday night, I’m really wondering what’s happening out there these days…
Though I am extremely grateful for never really having to deal with MIPs or anything of the sort at my college, I probably would’ve easily gotten a couple in my day.
by caguirre91 on May 31, 2011 9:20 AM PDT reply actions 1 recs
All sound advice.
More tips:
When transporting alcohol, put it in in your freaking backpack for chrissakes.
If you must drink an alcoholic beverage while walking to Autzen from campus, please put it in a soda cup. You can buy a large fountain drink anywhere, dump it out, fill it with your drink of choice and walk casually to the game. This has worked for me on numerous occasions, when less experienced drinkers were being slammed onto the hood of an EPD cruiser by campus security.
Which leads to my last tip: A bright red plastic cup is not a good enough disguise.
To Alcohol: The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems!
I had a conversation with three police officers
about how traffic changed on Saturday compared to other days while drinking a 44 oz crown and coke…in a Dari Mart cup!
I credit my urine for the victory.
http://taborsbigleaguechew.blogspot.com
by mackjones23 on May 31, 2011 10:02 AM PDT up reply actions
This especially applies to students living in the dorms.
You can get a fountain drink cup with meal points for crying out loud!
Our Acrobatics & Tumbling team can beat up your Acrobatics & Tumbling team.
Addicted to Quack, where Matt Daddy can't fall asleep unless a grown man in drag sings "Daisy Bell" to him.
My firend was actually trying to get beer back into his dorm at around 7pm on a friday...
And he was walking through the graduate student housing with beer in his backpack, and a DPS officer stopped him and made my friend show him what was in the bag. Backpacks arent even sacred!
Self anointed President of the Kenjon Barner fan club.
I doubt they had the authority to do that
You can’t just be randomly searched. Not that they won’t try, obviously.
To Alcohol: The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems!
During dorm initiation, I remember hearing something along the lines of DPS has the authority to search you at any time if you are on campus. I dont know if this is entirely true, but it sure sounds like this is what happened to my friend.
Self anointed President of the Kenjon Barner fan club.
Scare Tactics 101
DPS has no authority to search, thats why they want to be sworn in. but your friend condoning to their search gives them everything they need. If he didnt let them search all they can tell him to do is leave campus
#88
Yup.
Public campus, therefore all federal and state protections are in full force.
Fuck you, Juju. We'll do it ourselves.
by BigGreenWreckingMachine on May 31, 2011 12:12 PM PDT up reply actions
In summation college kids: it isn't what you do, it's what you get caught doing.
This is not to say that you can act like an idiot and be disrespectful or unethical; because that will make you more likely to be caught in the former case and is just downright not the way to go through life in the latter two. But be smart about what you are doing.
And if you follow all the other rules Tako laid out you can have 10 drinks (because we all know that no college kid is really going to drink 1-2 beers on a friday/saturday. Just follow the be reasonably quiet and staying in your house rules.
Go Ducks!
by NICKPAPAGEORGIOTHEDUCK on May 31, 2011 10:17 AM PDT reply actions
doh, there should be one of these after saturday --> )
I hate it when people don’t close parentheses. Rookie mistake.
by NICKPAPAGEORGIOTHEDUCK on May 31, 2011 10:18 AM PDT up reply actions
I went to school at University of Portland and Portland PD couldn't give a shit about college parties.......you know with actual crime to worry about
Now if they happened to show up and somebody was a dick, then things turned ugly real quick. OLCC was a completely different story…assholes. In one of my not so bright moments, I had just climbed out a bedroom window in house that was being raided and was sneaking around the house when an OLCC officer tried to grab me. I stiff-armed him, broke free,crashed through some hedges, and climbed over a fence and sprinted a couple blocks before walking casually again. From then on till 21 I made a habit leaving parties when they started to get too large.
Private School - different rules.
UP was awesome – drink it up, but get all of your cohabitation out before 12.
I heart taxes.
I went to school at Bucknell U.
and we never worried about MIPS and cohabitation. I did pound on some dormroom doors at 3 am and had to write like a 10 page essay on reducing alcohol consumption and apologize in writing to that dorm wing. It was house party weekend and the campus allowed for anyone to drink as long as it was in an opaque cup. They decided to have house party weekend and parent’s weekend at the same time. Suffice it to say…not a good idea. Watched a belligerently drunk student try to help a handicapped adult in a wheel chair almost to push him over in the grass going way to fast.
Juju is the same yesterday and today and forever.
I think that's why U$C is always in trouble.
They think the rules don’t apply to them.
"WIN THE DAY!"
by DuckUntilDeath on May 31, 2011 5:24 PM PDT up reply actions
Just to show it can be done
I had an absolutely fantastic time in college without drinking (very much). Sure, I went to a few parties and had a drink or two, but I could count those one one hand. It was fun just to hang out with friends, watch movies, play board games, play video games, have whiffle ball tournaments on the turf fields by the rec center, play capture the flag in the dark…
Contrary to popular belief, drinking is not necessary to have a good time in college. If you want to drink, go ahead, but please do it in moderation, and follow those guidelines above. 95% of the stupid things I saw people do in college happened while they were blitzed. You’ll also find yourself with a lot more cash if you don’t buy enough alcohol to get drunk twice every weekend.
No, I’m not trying to be a buzzkill. The exact opposite, actually. And this applies to people out of college too – you can have fun without alcohol, or with only a couple beers. I promise.
Defending maligned chants since 2009
by Gorbachav5 on May 31, 2011 10:58 AM PDT reply actions 5 recs
So you're saying we should smoke pot?
Totally confused here.
THAT'S RIGHT, Kenny Wheaton you did. You cut back into GREATNESS.
by HoodRiverDuck on May 31, 2011 6:39 PM PDT up reply actions
One of the things about pot smokers is that they ARE easily confused (I hear)
"What you are entrusted to do as a coach is to create an environment where your players have a chance to be successful." CHIP KELLY
I’m saying you should play D&D. We’re losing our barbarian pretty soon here, so we could use someone who knows how to handle a greataxe.
Defending maligned chants since 2009
You need a Hit Point sponge/delivery system
I love playing fighters, as long as there is a healer handy.
"What the hell was that?"
"Spaceball One, they've gone to plaid!"
I think it can all be summed up in 3 Words
Don’t Be Stupid
Usually when people get in trouble with the law, they did something stupid. When you hear your friends tell you how they got arrested, there is usually a point in that story when they made a really stupid choice.
You are in college, be smart.
"What the hell was that?"
"Spaceball One, they've gone to plaid!"
Don't be stupid?
That’s why I was drinking!!!!!!
"What you are entrusted to do as a coach is to create an environment where your players have a chance to be successful." CHIP KELLY
Well, there’s stupid and then there’s STUPID. Underage drinking doesn’t necessarily rank even as “lowercase stupid” to me; unless you’re in class, at your little sister’s first piano recital, wobbling down Main Street, etc., I’d call it normal, reasonably innocent experimentation.
But there is no excuse for drinking and driving. None. Sorry.
Life is a sport: Watch other people play it.
Unless you've been drinking....them somehow it just seems to make sense.
"What you are entrusted to do as a coach is to create an environment where your players have a chance to be successful." CHIP KELLY
"them"?
“Son, have y’all been drinking this evenin’?” [ominous pause, zoom to mirrored sunglasses]
“Would y’all step out o’ the car, please?”
Life is a sport: Watch other people play it.
Soo sorry Officer Orange. I meant to say 'those.'
"What you are entrusted to do as a coach is to create an environment where your players have a chance to be successful." CHIP KELLY
And when you do get caught being stupid...
…don’t start acting even more stupid. Coach Kelly has proven that one offense is not a death sentence in this program, and a simple MIP might not have even been picked up by the media. Running from the police was completely unneccessary, and brought more negative attention to a program that doesn’t need it.
"You could almost imagine Ducks coach Chip Kelly walking to midfield among the bloodied Bruins and shouting in his best gladiator voice, 'Are you not entertained?'" - Ted Miller
Kaddu got an MIP last year and it wasn’t a big deal. The only reason this is even a story is because Coleman decided to run from the police.
--AddictedToQuack, SBNation's Oregon Ducks blog
Exactly
Running from the cops is just stupid.
Though almost outrunning two bicycle cops is pretty damn impressive!
To Alcohol: The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems!
"Judge, I was only running because they were chasing me."
"What you are entrusted to do as a coach is to create an environment where your players have a chance to be successful." CHIP KELLY
That was snort worthy!
And not in a Charlie Sheen kind of way.
"WIN THE DAY!"
by DuckUntilDeath on Jun 1, 2011 1:43 PM PDT up reply actions
underage drinking is dumb. current laws are equally as dumb
So, you’re telling me at 18 I am so responsible that I can go to war and die for my country, buy cigarettes, vote for every level of government, drive and part take in all the sex industry offerings but the consumption of alcohol is beyond my cognitive level until i’m 21? That’s just f’n stupid. Alcohol makes you do dumb stuff if your 17 or 75. If you think you need to drink to have a good time (you probably have a problem) take Takimoto’s advice and just stay inside and be quite. And if you do something stupid/heroic/cool/amazing while you are drunk, keep it to yourself, no one is going to believe your story unless you have proof to back it up (your drunk friend that was with you doesn’t count.) I also think everyone should read what Gorbachav had to say, except the board games, what kind of lame college kid spends his weekend playing board games?
#88
Be quite what?
The suspense is killing me!
I credit my urine for the victory.
http://taborsbigleaguechew.blogspot.com
I knew what you meant
I was just hoping for something funny to come of it. I lost.
I credit my urine for the victory.
http://taborsbigleaguechew.blogspot.com
Simple Solution:
1) Come up with a plan to (a) minimize DUI incidents with a lowered drinking age (probably relatively easy, and most likely already done for you by someone else), and (b) replace the federal highway funds given to Oregon for compliance with the federal expectation.
2) Outline the plan in a letter to the legislator – if you replace those funds, at no additional costs to the taxpayers, you WILL win this fight.
Good Luck
I heart taxes.
I loved what you said here. Except of course the board game thing. Although when I say board games, I also mean party games like Cranium and charades and stuff like that. I’m not sure that makes it better, but my friends and I had some great nights staying up and playing games.
Defending maligned chants since 2009
Speaking of which, I got tickets for the theatrical screening of the extended version of Fellowship of the Ring in two weeks. I am CRAZY excited.
Defending maligned chants since 2009
As usual, I have no idea what passes for weekend entertainment in college these days, but I can tell you that in 1975, all-night Monopoly contests were routine in my dorm at Reed on weekends. And card games – Bridge and Hearts, usually. (Poker was for fat old guys in garages and rec rooms.)
Of course, this being Reed, there was concurrent and massive ingestion of mind-fucking-with substances, including alcohol, during these sessions. Anyone who tried to play straight would immediately be accused of an attempt to garner an unfair advantage.
"Dispatch yourself with the utmost precision, and proceed as far as your individual excellency will permit." - John McEwan
We had a couple all night Monopoly sessions, plus some all night Risk sessions. My senior year we got into a Mah Jongg phase, and that was a lot of fun. My sophomore year we played poker for meal points in the dorms. By the time February rolled around, this one guy pretty much owed the rest of us all of his food for the remainder of the year.
We all played clean though.
Defending maligned chants since 2009
Back in 1976, I was a founding member of the Carson Hall second-floor lounge, 24/7, .25-.50-$1.00, no-wild-cards, keep-your-beer-under-the-table poker game. Any of you current or recent UO-ers: Is that game still going on? It was when I left Eugene in ’79.
Life is a sport: Watch other people play it.
I was in Carson 503B (and then 501B) fall of '98 to the spring of '99.
I am sure you weren’t one of “THOSE PEOPLE” on the 2nd floor who would stop the elevator on its way down to get to the first floor, right?
"WIN THE DAY!"
by DuckUntilDeath on Jun 1, 2011 9:05 AM PDT up reply actions
We had a poker "game" that changed with the dealer.
Some of those hands of “baseball” took forever!
"WIN THE DAY!"
by DuckUntilDeath on Jun 1, 2011 1:00 PM PDT up reply actions
Why do I have to keep reiterating the point?
Kids = teh stoopidz. I never got caught ONCE for MIP and the like, but it wasn’t for lack of effort, just dumb, stupid luck.
Fuck you, Juju. We'll do it ourselves.
by BigGreenWreckingMachine on May 31, 2011 12:14 PM PDT reply actions
Hamani Stevens would like to place a couple of rolls of this on the outside of Tyson Coleman's door:
Since he’s going to be rooming (I hope) with Kiko Alonso.
"WIN THE DAY!"
by DuckUntilDeath on May 31, 2011 12:18 PM PDT reply actions
By "gave" do you mean "wrapped his car with"?
Our Acrobatics & Tumbling team can beat up your Acrobatics & Tumbling team.
Addicted to Quack, where Matt Daddy can't fall asleep unless a grown man in drag sings "Daisy Bell" to him.
Keep sober friends with you.
Any punishment will be much more leniant if you have a sober friend with you. a party of 10 in your apartment or dorm with 2 sober people will keep your butts outta trouble. It’s always a good thing to have someones frontal lobe working properly. And it shows responsibility and control. Cycle the DD/Sober prson in your group of friends, it’s actually quite fun watching your drunk ass friends, and it’s not bad because you don’t have to worry about someone driving drunk . Allowys your to be more relaxed when it’s your turn to slam ’em down.
Define "drink." Like, how much does it take before it constitutes a drink?
Fan of the cheese on the nachos, the Oreo of Explosion, Cool Brees, CP3, the J-Hey Kid, Pizza, and the real Matty Ice.
"ESPN - the worldwide leader in kissing Phillie ass" ~ kimrob1
Not that it really matters for poll purposes, but I'm just wondering HOW "before college" I got.
Fan of the cheese on the nachos, the Oreo of Explosion, Cool Brees, CP3, the J-Hey Kid, Pizza, and the real Matty Ice.
"ESPN - the worldwide leader in kissing Phillie ass" ~ kimrob1
by AllSaintsDay on May 31, 2011 2:32 PM PDT up reply actions
A drink is defined as:
1 12 oz. beer
1 5 oz. glass of wine
or 1 1 oz. shot of 80 proof liquor
At least I think that’s how the cops define it.
Our Acrobatics & Tumbling team can beat up your Acrobatics & Tumbling team.
Addicted to Quack, where Matt Daddy can't fall asleep unless a grown man in drag sings "Daisy Bell" to him.
That's what I meant. Thanks broseph.
Our Acrobatics & Tumbling team can beat up your Acrobatics & Tumbling team.
Addicted to Quack, where Matt Daddy can't fall asleep unless a grown man in drag sings "Daisy Bell" to him.
Damn, I just poured myself a pitcher of Malbec because of this guide.
BORING OFFSEASON SIGNATURE GOES HERE. HMMF.
by Bill Musgrave on May 31, 2011 5:32 PM PDT up reply actions
The 112 oz beer looked a little daunting, so I went for option 2.
BORING OFFSEASON SIGNATURE GOES HERE. HMMF.
by Bill Musgrave on May 31, 2011 6:59 PM PDT up reply actions
That’s like… 2/3rds of a mini-keg…
Come on, Bill! Step up your game!
It's spelled "S-H-U-F-E-L-T-R-E-J-E-C-T-E-D"
Well alright, but I’m gonna have to rig a bigger drink hat so I don’t have to have to use my hands, per Tako’s original instructions.
These rules are killing my buzz.
BORING OFFSEASON SIGNATURE GOES HERE. HMMF.
by Bill Musgrave on May 31, 2011 7:42 PM PDT up reply actions
Based upon my own (possibly outdated) research
I have a theory that Eugene cops only give guys MIPs. I think it is like the speeding ticket thing.
Absurdity is my favorite.
Based on my(decidedly current) research
You’re almost entirely correct. Girls have to go WAY too far before the cops even seem to consider it.
You mean, like, past E 30th and Hillyard?
"WIN THE DAY!"
by DuckUntilDeath on May 31, 2011 5:33 PM PDT up reply actions
D-:
Fan of the cheese on the nachos, the Oreo of Explosion, Cool Brees, CP3, the J-Hey Kid, Pizza, and the real Matty Ice.
"ESPN - the worldwide leader in kissing Phillie ass" ~ kimrob1
by AllSaintsDay on May 31, 2011 10:12 PM PDT up reply actions
Wow,
Now that I think about it, i have quite a few guy friends that have gotten MIPs. I know a fair amount of girls who drink underage, and only one of them has gotten an MIP.
That must mean that the EPD is obviously and totally super duper sexist! RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE!
Self anointed President of the Kenjon Barner fan club.
It ain't just the EPD
Despite being pulled over numerous times, I haven’t gotten a speeding ticket in almost 20 yrs. My husband – 2 in the last 5 yrs.
Absurdity is my favorite.
Not getting speeding tickets would be awesome
except for the whole having to be a girl thing.
"the putz from that UO blog, Matt Daddy" - Steve Tannen
The Daily Faberian
I think I'll just take your word for it and pay my speeding tickets
"the putz from that UO blog, Matt Daddy" - Steve Tannen
The Daily Faberian
Girls gotta go thru the strip search tho'.
"What you are entrusted to do as a coach is to create an environment where your players have a chance to be successful." CHIP KELLY
I only drank when I was alone or with someone.
The good part of that was is that under those conditions, I only drank to excess.
"What you are entrusted to do as a coach is to create an environment where your players have a chance to be successful." CHIP KELLY
Missing the point on drinking
if you are in the military, say at 18 you can drink.
if you are lucky enough to live in europe the beer drinking age is 16.
let me see, what country do you think as the most problem with underage or uncontrolled drinking.
the usa needs to lose the victorian attitude.
I didn’t think I’d ever hear the United States being accused of having a victorian attitude.
It's spelled "S-H-U-F-E-L-T-L-I-K-E-A-B-O-O-B-J-O-B"
Hey, ee cummings...
If you lived in Europe, you’d be much more vulnerable to a nasty strain of E.coli.
"WIN THE DAY!"
by DuckUntilDeath on Jun 1, 2011 9:10 AM PDT up reply actions
This is so cute it's sick
I think this kid has had enough
"What the hell was that?"
"Spaceball One, they've gone to plaid!"
You can't start 'em too early on the quack.
That’s some good parenting right there.
Absurdity is my favorite.
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