A Few Good Coaches
by Matt Daddy on Jun 23, 2011 9:01 AM PDT
in Opinion
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Print[The courtroom is set with media from far and near in attendance. On one side you have Lieutenant Canzano trying desperately to save the reputation of the University of Oregon and valiantly fighting for the rights of every Duck fan alike. On the other side you have Commander Moseley who wants to seek the truth and is only interested in facts. On trial we are looking at what exactly Oregon ordered when conducting business with Will Lyles of Texas. Judge NCAA is overseeing this proceeding. Lieutenant Canzano has yet to call his most controversial witness. Colonel Kelly himself.]
Judge: Lieutenant, call your witness.
Lt Canzano: The Dense calls Colonel Charles Kelly.
Colonel Kelly enters the room giving "the stare" to every man woman and child. He's sworn in by Commander Moseley and takes the stand.
Lt Canzano: Col when you learned about the Oregonian's request for documents regarding the recent NCAA investigation, you had a meeting with two senior officers. The platoon Commander Robert Mullens and executive officer Mr. Michael Bellotti.
Col Kelly: Yes.
Lt Canzano: And at present Officer Bellotti is dead, is that right?
Commander Moseley: Objection, I'd like to know just what the Dense Council is implying.
Lt Canzano: I'm implying simply that at present Officer Bellotti is not alive.
Com Moseley: Surely Colonel Kelly does not need to appear here in this court room to confirm that information.
Lt Canzano: I just wasn't sure if the witness was a aware that 2 years ago his life was taken by the 45 caliber that is the right hook of LeGarrette Blount.
Judge: The witness is aware, the court is aware and now the court members are aware. We thank your inside sources for bringing this to our attention. Move on Lieutenant.
Lt Canzano: Yes sir. Colonel, prior to this meeting two years ago you gave Lieutenant Mullens an order, is that right?
Col Kelly: I told Mullens that Scouting Services were not to be touched.
Lt Canzano: And did you give an order to Officer Bellotti as well?
Col Kelly: I ordered Bellotti to make sure that we were nationally recruiting immediately.
Lt Canzano: Why?
Col Kelly: Considering they were being closed to the north, I felt our recruiting borders might be in danger.
Lt Canzano: Grave danger?
Col Kelly: Is there another kind?
Lt Canzano: Colonel we have the recruiting records that you and Officer Bellotti have put together over the last number of years. It has national rankings over that period of time and it has Oregon at #13, #32 and #19. Does that sound accurate?
Col Kelly: Those numbers sound accurate.
Lt Canzano: Colonel you flew into Oregon 4 years ago from New Hampshire, is that right?
Col Kelly: Yes.
Lt Canzano: I noticed you wearing all your most recently designed Nike gear for your appearance in court today.
Col Kelly: As are you Lieutenant.
Lt Canzano: Is that what you wore when you came here?
Com Moseley: Please the court, is this dialogue relevant to anything in praticu...
Lt Canzano: The Dense didn't have an opportunity to depose the Colonel, and I'd ask the court for a little latitude.
Judge: A very little latitude.
Lt Canzano: Colonel?
Col Kelly: I wore Under Armor at New Hampshire.
Lt Canzano: You got Nike's when you got here?
Col Kelly: Yes.
Lt Canzano: Multiple helmets, gloves, bright neon socks, size XXXL jock straps?
Com Moseley: Your HONOR!
Lt Canzano: Is the Colonel's underwear a matter for the NCAA?
Judge: GENTLEMEN. You better get somewhere fast with this.
Lt Canzano: Yes your honor. Colonel?
Col Kelly: I came here with a new slogan, a hard working mentality and a no-nonsense attitude towards the media.
Lt Canzano: Thank you. After the Yahoo report regarding payments to Will Lyles on March the 3rd the Oregon compliance department was sealed off and the contents were requested via Freedom of Information Act. One Fishbein Letter, Invoices and Checks, New Level Athletics emails from 2008 and 2010. University of Oregon purchase order for $25,000, Chip Kelly and Gary Campbell phone records, 1 Complete Scouting Services 2010 National High School Evaluation Booklet...
Com Moesely: If it pleases the court, is there a question anywhere in our future?
Judge: Lieutenant Canzano, I have to ask you to state your question.
Lt Canzano: I'm wondering why the text messages weren't tracked. Tell you what, we'll come back to that one in a minute. This is record of all telephone calls made from your phones to that of Texas in the past two years since your recruiting in Texas started. I've highlighted 3 of those calls in yellow. Do you recognize those dates and times?
Col Kelly: I called Tra Carson to let him know I received his Letter of Intent, the second call was to Les Miles to arrange a meeting between our two teams in Dallas next year and the third call was to UT's head coach, Mack Brown.
Lt Canzano: Why did you make that call sir?
Col Kelly: I wanted to remind him of what happened the last time Oregon and Texas played in 2000. I thought he might enjoy it.
Com Moseley: Your honor...
Judge: I'm going to put a stop to this...
Lt Canzano: Your honor these are the text records of Colonel Kelly to Will Lyles over the last two years and these are 140 recruits in this 2010 National High School Evaluation Booklet requesting, in fact begging to be given scholarships. Upon hearing the news that Oregon was going to be recruiting nationally, do know how many text messages that were sent to these recruits? ZERO. Nobody. Not one text message to a kid saying, "how'd you like to come visit Oregon." Not one text saying, "LOL, IWSN" They were already at their chosen schools, already recruited or signed away. And according to you they were being videotaped and reviewed for Oregon for the next year.
You were leaving for one job, you packed a bag, picked out some new Nike clothes and made 400 text messages.
These kids were leaving for the rest of their lives... and they hadn't contacted a soul and they hadn't heard a thing.
Can you explain that?
The fact is there was no national recruiting, there was only a Texas agenda and these kids weren't being recruited. These kids weren't going any where. Isn't that right Colonel?
Com Moseley: Objection your honor. It's obvious that Lieutenant Canzano's intention this afternoon is to smear a high ranking coach in the desperate hope that the mere appearance of impropriety will win points with the husky and beaver fans and drive web traffic. Now it is my recommendation, Sir, that Lieutenant Canzano be reprimanded for his conduct and the witness be excused with the court's deepest apologies.
Judge: Over ruled.
Com Moseley: Your honor...
Judge: Your objection is noted.
Lt Canzano: Colonel?
Colonel Kelly smirks
Lt Canzano: Is this funny sir?
Col Kelly: No it's not, it's tragic.
Lt Canzano: Do you have an answer?
Col Kelly: Absolutely. My answer is I don't have the first damn clue. Maybe Will Lyles sent us by paper only a sample of what he was going to put together. And maybe these were kids that weren't going to be recruited anyway. I'm an educated man, but I'm afraid I can't speak intelligently about the text habits of all Texas High School students. What I do know is that Oregon was set to recruit nationally as soon as I arrived here.
Now, are these really the questions you called me here to answer? Text messages and recruiting packages? Please tell me that you have something more Lieutenant. This school is on trial for its football life. Please tell me that the media hasn't pinned its hope on the reliability of AT&T?
Do you have any other questions for me councilor?
Judge: Lieutenant Canzano? Lieutenant, do you have anything further for this witness?
Col Kelly: Thanks Johnny, I love O-live.
Lt Canzano: Excuse me, I didn't dismiss you.
Col Kelly: I beg your pardon?
Lt Canzano: I'm not through with my examination. Sit down.
Col Kelly: COLONEL!
Lt Canzano: What's that?
Col Kelly: I'd appreciate it if you addressed me as Colonel or Coach, I believe I've earned it.
Judge: The Dense will address the witness as Colonel or Sir.
Col Kelly: I don't know what the hell kinda team you're running here.
Judge: And the witness will address this court as Judge or NCAA, I'm quite certain I've earned it.
Col Kelly: What do you want to discuss now Canzano, my favorite color?
Lt Canzano: Colonel, the recruiting rankings we have are accurate?
Col Kelly: Yes.
Lt Canzano: Those recruiting rankings wouldn't be adjusted because of the fact that you had inside tracks to Texas High School players that no one else was going to be able to get to?
Judge: Lieutenant, I think we've covered this, haven't we?
Lt Canzano: Your honor these are the recruiting records from both University of Texas and Texas A&M. UT records list no offer to LaMichael James, Darron Thomas or Josh Huff and the Texas A&M list no offers to any of the players as well. I'd like to admit them as Dense exhibits Alpha and Bravo.
Judge: I don't understand, you're admitting evidence of offers that never existed.
Lt Canzano: Oh we believe they did sir. The Dense will be calling Coach Mack Brown and Coach Mike Sherman, they were working the Texas High School coaches during that period.
Com Moseley: Your honor, these men weren't on the FOIA list.
Commander Bachman: Rebuttal witnesses your honor, called specifically to refute testimony regarding the spending habits of Phil Knight and lavish gifts to the University of Oregon.
Judge: I'll allow the witnesses.
Col Kelly: This is ridiculous.
Lt Canzano: Colonel a moment ago...
Col Kelly: Check the offer sheets for Christ's sake.
Lt Canzano: Oh we'll get to the coaches in just a minute sir. A moment ago you said you ordered Lieutenant Mullens to tell his men that Scouting Services weren't to be touched.
Col Kelly: That's right.
Lt Canzano: And Lieutenant Mullens was clear on what you wanted?
Col Kelly: Crystal.
Lt Canzano: Any chance Lieutenant Mullens ignored the order?
Col Kelly: Ignored the order?
Lt Canzano: Any chance he forgot about it?
Col Kelly: No.
Lt Canzano: Any chance Lieutenant Mullens left your office and said the coach is wrong?
Col Kelly: No.
Lt Canzano: When Lieutenant Mullens spoke to his men, and ordered them not to touch Scouting Services, any chance they ignored him?
Col Kelly: You ever served on a coaching unit son?
Lt Canzano: No sir.
Col Kelly: Ever served in a recruiting area?
Lt Canzano: No sir.
Col Kelly: Ever put your goals in another man's hands and asked him to put his goals in yours?
Lt Canzano: No sir.
Col Kelly: We follow orders son. We follow orders or teams don't win games. It's that simple. Are we clear?
Lt Canzano: Yes sir.
Col Kelly: Are we CLEAR?
Lt Canzano: Crystal. Colonel, I have just one more question before I call Coach Brown and Coach Sherman, If you gave an order that Scouting Services weren't to be touched, and your orders are always followed, then why would Oregon need to recruit nationally? Why would it be necessary to text Will Lyles?
Col Kelly: Oregon's recruiting was being squeezed by shady practices in Southern California..
Lt Canzano: That's not what you said. You said the recruiting borders were in grave danger. You said they were in danger, I said grave danger? You said is there any other kind...
Col Kelly: I recall what I said...
Lt Canzano: I can have the court reporter read back to you...
Col Kelly: I know what I said, I don't have to have it read back to me like I'm some kind of idiot...
Lt Canzano: Then why the two orders? Colonel?
Col Kelly: Sometime men take matters into their own hands.
Lt Canzano: No sir, you made it clear a moment ago that men never take matters into their own hands. Your men follow orders or you don't win games. So Scouting Services should never have been within reach at all Colonel?
Col Kelly: You snotty little bastard. Your parents never believed in you.
Com Moseley: Your honor I'd like to ask for a recess
Lt Canzano: I'd like an answer to the question Judge.
Judge: The court will wait for an answer.
Lt Canzano: If Lieutenant Mullens gave an order that Scouting Srevices weren't to be touched and your orders are always followed, then why the national recruiting? Colonel? Lieutenant Mullens ordered the Scouting Services because that's what you TOLD LIEUTENANT MULLENS TO DO!
Com Moseley: OBJECT!...
Lt Canzano: AND WHEN YOU WENT BACK YOU CUT THESE GUYS LOOSE. YOU HAD BELLOTTI ALTER THE TEXT MESSAGES, YOU COMMINGLED THE VIDEO TAPES, COLONEL KELLY, DID YOU ORDER THE SCOUTING SERVICES!!!
Judge: You don't have to answer that question.
Col Kelly: I'll answer the question... YOU WANT ANSWERS?!
Lt Canzano: I think I'm entitled to them.
Col Kelly: YOU WANT ANSWERS?!!!!
Lt Canzano: I WANT THE TRUTH!
Col Kelly: YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH! Son, we live in a football world that has recruits, and those recruits have to come from high schools by men with access. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Steve Tannen? I have a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom. You weep for Texas, and you curse Will Lyles. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know. That Texas' death, while tragic, probably saved PROGRAMS. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves PROGRAMS. You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at tailgates, you want me on that recruiting trail, you need me on that recruiting trail. We use words like access, packages, letters of intent. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent recruiting something. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very fodder that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said thank you, and went on your way, Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a cell phone, and send a text. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to.
Lt Canzano: Did you order the Scouting Services?
Col. Kelly: I did the job I...
Lt Canzano: DID YOU ORDER THE SCOUTING SERVICE?
Col Kelly: YOU'RE GODDAMN RIGHT I DID!!!
....
h/t JShufelt for the photoshop pictures. If you want to check out the accuracy of the preceding scenes they can be viewed here and here
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Outstanding work, both of you.
Now if Matt Daddy would only take the time to learn the appropriate use of the apostrophe, you’d have a masterpiece.
/grammarnazi
Nobody does offseason like Oregon. --- Gekko Mojo
.
Our Acrobatics & Tumbling team can beat up your Acrobatics & Tumbling team.
Addicted to Quack, where Matt Daddy can't fall asleep unless a grown man in drag sings "Daisy Bell" to him.
Way to call out Tannen!
Putz.
HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Rec’d!
If I wanted any lip from you, I'd unzip your pants.
I just wish Matt Daddy had put a little more time or effort into that...
To Alcohol: The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems!
Don't be so hard on Matt Daddy
He actually isn’t a punk. He is a good kid. What happened is, he was at a party and Steve Tannen and John Canzano killed a guy. He did the right thing and cooperated with the police and they arrested the murderers. As a result of his cooperation, the “journalists” put a hit on him and his family. The hit is credible and they truly fear for their lives. As a result, he headed to his mom’s basement and decided to go there to get away from the threat. That is why he was crying when he wrote this post. He was the kid in the class who loved to go outside and have friends. He did us a tremendous favor by continuing to write even though he is stuck in his parents’ basement playing World of Warcraft and masturbating all day.
The kid is heartbroken.
Our Acrobatics & Tumbling team can beat up your Acrobatics & Tumbling team.
Addicted to Quack, where Matt Daddy can't fall asleep unless a grown man in drag sings "Daisy Bell" to him.
by Takimoto on Jun 23, 2011 10:05 AM PDT up reply actions 15 recs
Well done, sir.
"You could almost imagine Ducks coach Chip Kelly walking to midfield among the bloodied Bruins and shouting in his best gladiator voice, 'Are you not entertained?'" - Ted Miller
wow
not only was this funny, it was as compelling as the real FGM scene when I first watched it
See, I thought Matt Daddy had made this whole thing up...
But then I saw:
bq.Col Kelly: You snotty little bastard. Your parents never believed in you.
That was well done.
I don't mean to impose...
Earlier...
Commander Bachman (to Col. Kelly): I was wondering if you’ve ever heard the term scouting services?
Lt Canzano: Rachel —
Col Kelly: I’ve heard the term, yes.
Commander Bachman : Colonel, this past February, you received a cautionary memo from the NCAA, warning that the practice of schools utilizing scouting services wasn’t to be condoned by coaches.
Col Kelly: I submit to you that whoever wrote that memo has never faced the working end of an Andrew Luck deep-out pass. However, the directive having come from the NCAA, I gave it its due attention. What’s your point, Commander?
Lt Canzano: She has no point. She often has no point. It’s part of her charm. We’re outta here. Thank you.
Commander Bachman : My point is that I think scouting services are still used up here. Are scouting services still used on this campus, Colonel?
Lt Canzano: Rachel, the colonel doesn’t need to answer that.
Commander Bachman : Yes he does.
Lt Canzano: No, he really doesn’t.
Commander Bachman : Yeah, he really does. Colonel?
Col Kelly: You know it just hit me. She outranks you, Johnny.
Lt Canzano: Yes sir.
Col Kelly: I want to tell you something and listen up ‘cause I mean this: You’re the luckiest man in the world. There is nothing on this earth sexier, believe me, gentlemen, than a woman you have to salute in the morning. Promote ‘em all, I say, ’cause this is true: if you haven’t gotten a blowjob from a superior officer, well, you’re just letting the best in life pass you by.
Commander Bachman : Colonel, the practice of utilizing scouting services is still condoned by coaches on this campus, isn’t it?
Col Kelly: You see my problem is, of course, that I’m a Colonel. I’ll just have to keep taking cold showers ’til they elect some gal President.
Commander Bachman : I need an answer to my question, sir.
Col Kelly: Take caution in your tone, Commander. I’m a fair guy, but this fuckin’ rain is making me absolutely crazy. You want to know about scouting services? On the record I tell you that I discourage the utilization in accordance with the NCAA directive. Off the record I tell you that it’s an invaluable part of national recruiting, and if it happens to go on without my knowledge, so be it. I run my program how I run my program. You want to investigate me? Roll the dice and take your chances. I eat breakfast 6538 yards away from 4000 Bavers who are trained to boo me. So don’t think for one second you’re gonna come down here, flash your media credentials, and make me nervous.
Lt Canzano: (to Bachman) Let’s go. (to Col Kelly) Colonel, I’ll just need a copy of the Willie Lyles invoice.
Col Kelly: What’s that?
Lt Canzano: Lyles’ invoice. You guys have paper work on that kind of thing, I just need it for the file.
Col Kelly: For the file.
Lt Canzano: Yeah.
Col Kelly: (pause) Of course you can have a copy of the invoice Johnny. I’m here to help anyway I can.
Lt Canzano: Thank you.
Col Kelly: You believe that, don’t you? Johnny? That I’m here to help anyway I can?
Lt Canzano: Of course.
Col Kelly: The corporal will run you by the Moshovsky Center on your way out to I5. You can have all the invoices you want.
Lt Canzano: (to Bachman and Brooks) Let’s go. (they start to leave)
Col Kelly: But you have to ask me nicely.
Lt Canzano (stops): I beg your pardon?
Col Kelly: You have to ask me nicely. You see, Johnny, I can deal with the stupid post-game questions, and the interceptions, and the torn ACLs. I don’t want money and I don’t want coach of the year awards. What I do want is for you to stand there in that faggoty white uniform, and with your bald head and Harvard mouth, extend me some fuckin’ courtesy… YOU GOTTA ASK ME NICELY.
…
Lt Canzano: Colonel Kelly… if it’s not too much trouble, I’d like a copy of the invoice… Sir.
Col Kelly (gives The Stare and smirks): No problem.
2009 & 2010 Oregon Ducks Football: Back-2-back outright Pac 10 Champions
by MarineCorpsDuck on Jun 23, 2011 10:59 AM PDT reply actions 12 recs
That's gold, Jerry! Gold!
I eat breakfast 6538 yards away from 4000 Bavers who are trained to boo me.
TMML like you would not believe!
by DuckUntilDeath on Jun 23, 2011 11:48 AM PDT up reply actions
Just in case anyone missed it... (I almost did)
I eat breakfast 6538 yards away from 4000 Bavers…
"You could almost imagine Ducks coach Chip Kelly walking to midfield among the bloodied Bruins and shouting in his best gladiator voice, 'Are you not entertained?'" - Ted Miller
Wonder how long the press will last
The silence of Oregon. What pisses me off the most is that Oregon is guilty until proven innocent in this case.
But what to expect. It is also almost insane how the press has jumped on this and how outraged they are. It is almost as if the press feels entitled to demand the answers and expects the Oregon administration to submit to the demands.
If anything the press should be happy that Oregon is silent and works with the NCAA instead of empty talks with press.
Will be fun to see how many more days the press can take of the silence. :)
by Prillan Generalen on Jun 23, 2011 11:15 AM PDT reply actions
everyone's to' down now
I had to look that term up. I needed that laugh. Thanks.
by Colleeeen on Jun 23, 2011 11:31 AM PDT via mobile reply actions
Uh...
you know the Colonel gets arrested at the end of that scene?
STAY TUNED FOR THE EXCITING CONCLUSION!
(in 3 years when the NCAA clearinghouse finally says something)
It's spelled "S-H-U-F-E-L-T-S-N-A-R-K-Y"
"If Lache Seastrunk is the POTG against LSU, I will formally quit ATQ." - Axemen23 on 6/21/2011
you know the Colonel gets arrested at the end of that scene?
According to Clownzano, arrest = guilt. That’s why the story ends there.
2009 & 2010 Oregon Ducks Football: Back-2-back outright Pac 10 Champions
by MarineCorpsDuck on Jun 23, 2011 12:40 PM PDT up reply actions
Haven’t you heard of alternate endings? what used to be on the cutting room floor is now available on the DVD… a much more enjoyable viewing experience.
Speed Endurance Talent is how Track Town USA plays football. Win The Day
I don’t know, the sanctions would almost be worth it to see Kelly tell Canzano that he was going to rip out his eyes and piss in his dead skull.
YOU FUCKED WITH THE WRONG HEAD COACH!
Defending maligned chants since 2009
by Gorbachav5 on Jun 24, 2011 1:19 PM PDT up reply actions 3 recs
Whose ya Daddy Clowny!
I salute you sir, truly epic!
Hoover: They confiscated everything, even the stuff we didn't steal!
Thank you so much for this.
I made the mistake of reading some O-live comment section crazy. It tore a tendon in my brain. This went a long way towards rehab.
Great epic work
It would be awesome if Canzano calls you a name on his blog. You could add it to your sig line and start a collection. I’m hoping for ‘cretin’ myself. It would go well with putz I think.
Curse you, Offseason.
I hope it's "blowhard"
Our Acrobatics & Tumbling team can beat up your Acrobatics & Tumbling team.
Addicted to Quack, where Matt Daddy can't fall asleep unless a grown man in drag sings "Daisy Bell" to him.
I give a 50/50 chance it would be “sweet man meat”
It's spelled "S-H-U-F-E-L-T-S-N-A-R-K-Y"
"If Lache Seastrunk is the POTG against LSU, I will formally quit ATQ." - Axemen23 on 6/21/2011
by JShufelt on Jun 23, 2011 3:45 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
What’s all this “wee bit” stuff?
"the putz from that UO blog, Matt Daddy" - Steve Tannen
The Daily Faberian
Oh it’s nothing. Just something Musgrave mentioned after your last camping trip.
Curse you, Offseason.
by daisyduck on Jun 23, 2011 4:12 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
x
2009 & 2010 Oregon Ducks Football: Back-2-back outright Pac 10 Champions
by MarineCorpsDuck on Jun 23, 2011 4:14 PM PDT up reply actions
Yeah...
unfortunately there was nothing deep in those woods that weekend.
"the putz from that UO blog, Matt Daddy" - Steve Tannen
The Daily Faberian
So nobody won the day?
There was no Fast – Hard – Finish?
2009 & 2010 Oregon Ducks Football: Back-2-back outright Pac 10 Champions
by MarineCorpsDuck on Jun 23, 2011 4:45 PM PDT up reply actions
There was just Fast-Crying-More Crying
Our Acrobatics & Tumbling team can beat up your Acrobatics & Tumbling team.
Addicted to Quack, where Matt Daddy can't fall asleep unless a grown man in drag sings "Daisy Bell" to him.
How does one fast cry?
Everybody was kung foo fighting, now it's all ho hum.
by Bill Musgrave on Jun 23, 2011 9:21 PM PDT up reply actions
The Tim Brewster school of success?
Editor at BT Powerhouse, a Big Ten Basketball blog.
Author at Acme Packing Company, a Green Bay Packers blog
"If you don't tell him what he wants to hear, he's going to find you out. And when he does, they're going to tear your head off and throw your BODY OUT OF AN AIRLOCK!" - Number Six, "Bastille Day"
by OBrienSchofieldismyHero on Jun 24, 2011 9:41 PM PDT up reply actions
I wish I knew how to quit you.
Everybody was kung foo fighting, now it's all ho hum.
by Bill Musgrave on Jun 23, 2011 5:51 PM PDT up reply actions
You haz been noticed by the media again, you Putz.
ajude34 Adam Jude
Good effort. RT @AddictedToQuack @JohnCanzanoBFT Was this how your conversation with Chip Kelly went, John? sbn.to/k1z2vP
The "Bill Simmons" of ATQ
That's alright
Jude will be in my next piece.
"the putz from that UO blog, Matt Daddy" - Steve Tannen
The Daily Faberian
I now have two cast mates for the sequel
Prehmmr Matt Prehm
I just cried because I was laughing too hard. :golfclap: @AddictedToQuack :golfclap: http://sbn.to/mH68PH
"the putz from that UO blog, Matt Daddy" - Steve Tannen
The Daily Faberian
King Joffrey applauds your efforts
"Pressure is what you feel when you don’t know what you’re doing, and we don’t feel pressure because we know what we’re doing." – Chip Kelly
I have a question for Matt
How on earth did you get ANY work done the last few days while creating this….
The "Bill Simmons" of ATQ
Like the football team, the ATQ mods are the fastest writers in the country.
This probably took Matt Daddy like 45 minutes to write, with another 45 to Photoshop.
Our Acrobatics & Tumbling team can beat up your Acrobatics & Tumbling team.
Addicted to Quack, where Matt Daddy can't fall asleep unless a grown man in drag sings "Daisy Bell" to him.
I spent roughly 60 minutes on the photoshops, but I was doing it all in between actual work. So… yeah… probably 45 minutes.
It's spelled "S-H-U-F-E-L-T-S-N-A-R-K-Y"
"If Lache Seastrunk is the POTG against LSU, I will formally quit ATQ." - Axemen23 on 6/21/2011
Just a note before someone makes a comment… I started working on those at like… 7:00pm, not during office hours.
It's spelled "S-H-U-F-E-L-T-S-N-A-R-K-Y"
"If Lache Seastrunk is the POTG against LSU, I will formally quit ATQ." - Axemen23 on 6/21/2011
Are you kidding? If anyone here criticized you for commenting/photoshopping during office hours, I think they’d have to invent a word stronger than “hypocrite.”
Defending maligned chants since 2009
It isn’t that is the “45 minutes out of 60”… or 3/4ths of my time being used towards not “work”.
It's spelled "S-H-U-F-E-L-T-S-N-A-R-K-Y"
"If Lache Seastrunk is the POTG against LSU, I will formally quit ATQ." - Axemen23 on 6/21/2011
I'm sorry, I have now lost all lack of respect for you.
Everybody was kung foo fighting, now it's all ho hum.
by Bill Musgrave on Jun 24, 2011 2:32 PM PDT up reply actions
And Putz Daddy crosses another one off the AtQ Parody List
A Few Good Men
The Big Lebowski
Clerks
Clear and Present Danger
Lord of The Rings
Ernest Goes Camping With Bill Musgrave
Ernest Goes Camping With Bill Musgrave
Wasn’t this previously released under the title, “Deliverance?”
by DuckUntilDeath on Jun 24, 2011 12:24 PM PDT up reply actions
Ernest Goes Deep in the Woods
Our Acrobatics & Tumbling team can beat up your Acrobatics & Tumbling team.
Addicted to Quack, where Matt Daddy can't fall asleep unless a grown man in drag sings "Daisy Bell" to him.
I thought that was "Brokeback Mountain." No?
by DuckUntilDeath on Jun 24, 2011 1:18 PM PDT up reply actions
The thing is I know just how to quit you.
Everybody was kung foo fighting, now it's all ho hum.
by Bill Musgrave on Jun 24, 2011 2:33 PM PDT up reply actions
Well done!
But we need some sort of “Not Safe For Work” warning on these things.
"It's not about style. It's about winning the game. That's it." - Chip Kelly
Cause it makes me laugh out loud
and my bosses aren’t keen on me having fun.
"It's not about style. It's about winning the game. That's it." - Chip Kelly
by Duckfanatic10 on Jun 24, 2011 11:21 AM PDT up reply actions
yeah, how dare you be clever and funny!
"It's not about style. It's about winning the game. That's it." - Chip Kelly
by Duckfanatic10 on Jun 24, 2011 11:24 AM PDT up reply actions
Ted Miller joins the Matt Daddy bandwagon
This is really funny stuff: “A Few Good Coaches.” Read it only if you can’t handle the truth.
The "Bill Simmons" of ATQ
Isn't there a scene where Major Neuweasel eats his gun in the motel room?
"What you are entrusted to do as a coach is to create an environment where your players have a chance to be successful." CHIP KELLY
Holy cow!
Normally I hate you guys. But this was just too good. (bows)
greg in denver, UCLA guy for life - BruinsNation.com
I normally hate myself too! We have much in common, sir!
It's spelled "S-H-U-F-E-L-T-S-N-A-R-K-Y"
"If Lache Seastrunk is the POTG against LSU, I will formally quit ATQ." - Axemen23 on 6/21/2011
Bravissmo
A tip o’ the hat to ya.
You're a Bruin for 4 years, but you're a Trojan for life!
by DevilishTrojan21 on Jun 24, 2011 9:11 PM PDT reply actions
heartily rec'd
"When the seagulls follow the trawler, it's because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea"
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