Reservoir Blogs

[This is last installment of the Matt Daddy Movie Parody Trilogy. Just to show that no one is outside the bounds of being mocked, let's turn that camera on the ATQ home front. Once again the following post is rated NSFW, it contains strong language and is intended only for mature audiences. Reader discretion advised]

For your reference:

Mr White – Jared

Mr Orange - Paul

Mr Blonde – Nick

Nice Guy Eddie – Matt Daddy

Mr Pink – Takimoto

Big Joe – Dave

Mr Blue – Dominic

Mr Brown – Kris

Officer Marvin Nash - axemen23

The whole mod gang is up late drinking a variety of different beers and chatting on Goggle Chat. We're all discussing some of the latest comments by the community when Dave says, "I got to go take care of my kids, you guys take care of reccing the comments" and signs off, but before he leaves he sends one more IM to Jared "And you, when I come back I want my blog."

Jared: I'm sorry, it's my blog now

Dave: [looking at Kris] I changed my mind, ban this piece of shit would ya?

Matt Daddy: Alright, everybody cough up some recs for the commenters

[All the mods start reccing comments in the Quack Fix, Takimoto just sits there looking around]

Matt Daddy: [to Takimoto] Come on, throw in some recs

Takimoto: Uh-uh, I don't rec

Matt Daddy: You don't rec?

Takimoto: Nah, I don't believe in it.

Matt Daddy: You don't believe in reccing?

Dominic: You know what these commenters rec? They rec shit.

Takimoto: Don't give me that. If they don't get enough recs they can go to Oregon-Live.

Matt Daddy: I don't even know a fucking husky who'd have the balls to say that. Let me get this straight: you don't ever rec?

Takimoto: I don't rec because the community says I have to. All right, if someone deserves a rec, if they really put forth an effort, I'll give them something a little something extra in the next Tako Tuesday. But this reccing automatically, it's for the bavers. As far as I'm concerned, they're just doing their job.

Dominic: Hey, our community is nice.

Takimoto: They're okay. They aren't anything special.

Dominic: What's special? Take your posts to twitter and retweet the link everywhere?

Matt Daddy: I'd go four for twenty for that.

Takimoto: Look, I wrote a Tako Tuesday about Harry Potter, alright? And we been here a long fucking time and they only left 40 comments and I only got 800 page views. When I write a post I want it filled with comments, I want Ted Miller and John Hunt to link it in their lunch links.

Nick: Hunt and Miller? Well, what if they're too fucking busy?

Takimoto: The words "too fucking busy" shouldn't be in a journalist's vocabulary.

Matt Daddy: Excuse me Takimoto, but the last fucking thing you need is another link to one of your posts.

Takimoto: Jesus Christ man, these commenters aren't starving for Quack. They get the Fix every fucking morning. You know, I used to write just for the fanposts and when I did I wasn't lucky enough to have a community that deemed posts "rec-worthy".

Dominic: You don't care if they're counting on your recs to make them feel special?

Takimoto: [rubbing his middle finger and thumb together] You know what this is? The world's smallest violin playing just for the commenters.

Jared: You don't have any idea what you're talking about. These people appreciate us. This is a hard job.

Takimoto: So is working at the Register-Guard, but you don't see anyone reccing them, do you? Why not, they're writing blog posts. But no, society says don't rec these guys over here, but rec these guys over here. It's bullshit!

Jared: Blogging is the one occupation for people living in their mom's basement, it's basically the voice fans have and get paid nothing for. The reason is because of the recs.

Takimoto: Fuck all that! I'm very sorry the media looks down on blogs, that's fucked up. That ain't my fault. It would seem to me that commenters are one of the many groups the media fucks in the ass on a regular basis. Look, if you show me a piece of paper that says the media shouldn't do that, I'll sign it, put it to a vote, I'll vote for it, but what I won't do is play ball. And this mom's basement bullshit you're givin' me, I got two words for that: learn to fuckin think for yourself, cause if you're expecting me to help out with the news you're in for a big fuckin' surprise.

Paul: You know what, you just convinced me. Gimmie my recs back!

Matt Daddy: Hey! Leave the recs there.

[Dave comes back online to the Google Chat]

Dave: All right, ramblers, let's get ramblin'. [Counting the recs for the day] Wait a minute. Who didn't throw in recs?

Kris: Takimoto.

Dave: Takimoto? Why not?

Kris: He don't rec.

Dave: He don't rec? What do you mean you don't rec?

Kris: He don't believe in it.

Dave: Shut up. What do you mean you don't believe in it? Come on, you, cough up some recs, you cheap bastard. I put together this goddamn site.

Takimoto: Alright, since you put together the site, I'll put in some recs, but normally I would never do this.

Dave: Never mind what you normally would do. Just cough in your goddamn recs like everybody else. Thank you.

RADIO: That was the Shufelt Family's 'Doesn't Somebody Want to be Wanted?' Followed by Bill Musgrave's 'Love Grows (Where My Camping Goes)' as K-Benzy's Super Sounds of the Seventies weekend just keeps on truckin'.

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