The Homer's Guide to Arizona: Remember to bring your umbrella

520-621-4622.

Thats the phone number for the office to Arizona Athletic Director Greg Byrne.  If you're headed down to the surface of the sun Tucson for the game, give it a call.  Ask about the stadium's umbrella policy.  Why an umbrella for a game in the desert that starts at 7:30 at night?

Because somebody's crazy fans are liable to knock you unconscious with glass projectiles if you don't watch your back.

Arizona fans are known for being crazy.  Not crazy as in good fans that provide a good atmosphere crazy.  Literally, they're crazy:

h/t keeerrrttt

What they are not is terribly smart.  While they think that they have some academic prowess because they compare themselves to the University of Phoenix Arizona State, the can't seem to understand how time works.  Or read a scoreboard.

They also happen to be 0-7 in their last seven games against BCS opponents.

Arizona's field is enscribed with the words "Bear Down."  In 1926, Arizona student body president, and starting quarterback John Salmon died of injuries sustained in an automobile accident.  His coach visited him in the hospital before he died, and reportedly his last words to his coach were to "tell the team to bear down."  This has been the slogan for Arizona athletics ever since.

The Wildcats do not have an illustrious football history.  They have never been to a Rose Bowl.  Their last outright conference title was in 1941, as part of the Border Conference.  This conference consisted of schools from Arizona, New Mexico, and West Texas, with the winner earning an automatic berth to the Sun Bowl.  Even Oregon State fans think that sounds lame.

Arizona Stadium is the only stadium in the Pac-12 that includes a dormitory.  Navajo-Pinal Hall, home to 152 Arizona students, is located within the south end of the stadium.  UA residence life says that noise in the hall is minimal during football games.  I don't know whats worse:  that people would be in their dorms during a home football game, or that you can't hear any noise whilst within the stadium.  Clearly, UA students are a bunch of wussies.

Finally, does anyone realize how un-American it is to be an Arizona fan, anyways?  Tucson lies within the 1853 Gadsden Purchase, a strip of land purchased to facilitate an intercontinental railroad from the slave states to the Pacific Coast.  Buying Mexican territory was necessary in order to avoid the path having to cross the mountains.  This was the last mainland territorial acquisition by the United States.  Think about that.  This is barely America.  Being an Arizona fan is supporting the defeat of the USA by the Confideracy and by Mexico all at the same time.  Does any "real" American really want that?  I thought not.

GO USA! 

And Go Ducks!

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