Sung to the tune of Nothing Better by the Postal Service.

[Me:] Will someone please call Chip Kelly
Who will crack my screen and retract this agent's tweets
That say you're leaving for better company?
I can't accept that it's over
And I will block the door like Mark Asper making a gap
In the third quarter of a U-dub rivalry

So just say how to make it right
And I swear I'll do my best to comply

Tell me am I right to think that it would make you so happy
To competently lead Oregon's team down to Miami?

[Darron:] I feel I'm jus' gittin' better; I think I'm ready to go into the NFL draft
Remember Bennett? That kid is really good

So don't you worry for Brian; I've made charts and graphs to help with those option reads
That kid will run it like Dennis Dixon would

So please back away and let me go
[Me:]I can't my darling, I panic so...

Oh, oh

Tell me am I right to think that it would make you so happy
To competently lead Oregon's team down to Miami?
[Darron:] Don't you feed me lies of how our schedule sets up so well
One slip-up at USC, oh that could be our death knell

[Me:] I know that Duck fans have been tough
But I swear we really want you to stay
[Darron:] These last four years have all been fun
But I think it's time I go away
Win the day