ADDICTED TO QUACK IS YOUR #1 SOURCE FOR OREGON RECRUITING NEWS! AND WE DON'T STOP WITH THE 2012 CLASS, OR EVEN THE 2013 CLASS. ADDICTEDTOQUACK.COM IS THE ONLY PLACE ON THE INTERNET WHERE YOU CAN FIND THE LATEST INFO ON OREGON'S 2029 RECRUITING PROSPECTS!
Andrew McAllister: 2'6", 36 lbs (OG) - McAllister, Mac to his friends at Noah's Ark Day Care, projects to be a Top 10 line recruit in the class of 2029. He has exceptional footwork for his age, able to stand on his own and move laterally to block his dog, Tracer, from going upstairs and getting into the cat litter. His low center of gravity and immense overall strength make him a prototypical guard in a zone blocking scheme. His current favorites include Alabama, LSU, Oregon, South Carolina, and Cheerios.
James Randall Billingsley: 3'1", 31 lbs (QB) - The first time I saw this kid throw his Eeyore toy across the playroom, I knew he was destined for D-I stardom. His natural arm slot tailors itself perfectly to football, and his mobility in and outside the pocket make him an ideal target for the Ducks. Oregon is on his radar, but he is also considering Oklahoma, Oklahoma State, Arizona State, Kansas State, and Utah. Billingsley is a bit of a wild card recruit, as he is still considering careers as a dinosaur or Lightning McQueen.
Spanos Dimitropolous: 3'0", 33 lbs (LB/S) - This tweener has the speed to play safety, but could potentially bulk up and become a first-rate linebacker, especially in Oregon's system. This kid is a real sponge when it comes to the playbook; when he isn't watching Yo Gabba Gabba and peeing himself, he's consumed with the thought of football. He racked up 195 tackles in only two games of backyard football with his dad last year, and became the first player in Dimitriopolous family history to record a tackle on every play from scrimmage. He has a nose for the ball, and for dangerous cleaning products, which is why his parents keep the cabinets under the sink locked. Oregon currently leads in his recruiting, but with more than 17 years to go in this recruiting period, anything is possible.
Anthony Jamison: 3'4", 27 lbs (WR) - Already in the 95% percentile in height for his age, and with years of growing ahead of him, AJ should prove to be a tall order for any opposing cornerback. In addition to his physical advantages, he has some of the best hands I've seen in a 14 month old. His short list includes UCLA, Cal, Nevada, and BYU, and Lane Kiffin has already offered him a scholarship to play at USC.
Gurmeet Patel: 3'2", 29 lbs (RB) - Patel was born with bright red skin and three fully functioning legs, and was declared the reincarnation of Agni, the Hindu God of fire. But deity or no, his extra appendage gives him a leg up on the rest of the running backs in this class. Seeing as he is confined to a remote mountaintop village in northern India, his recruitment is a closely guarded secret, but Notre Dame is rumored to be extremely interested.
Hasani: 2'3", 22 lbs (DE) - Yes, Hasani is, in fact, a gorilla and not a human being. But my sources are confident in saying that by 2029, the ban on non-humans participating in Division I athletics will be lifted, and athletes like the Westen Lowland Gorilla will be given the opportunity to compete. While Hasani is smaller than his human counterparts, he is expected to grow to about 5'8", weigh between 350-500 pounds, and have larger arms than most human waists. This would be, no pun intended, a huge get for the Duck football program.
STAY TUNED TO ADDICTEDTOQUACK.COM FOR MORE INFORMATION ON THE ALREADY-STELLAR CLASS OF 2029!
But seriously people.
It's signing day tomorrow. It's not the day that the future of college football gets decided. It's not the day that Oregon wins a fourth straight Pac-5/6 championship. It's the day that thousands of athletically gifted high school seniors decide how to best build a foundation for the rest of their lives. Celebrate the players that choose to spend the next three-to-five years at Oregon, but don't chastise the guys that take their talents elsewhere. As a fan, you are more than welcome to be disappointed for yourself that you won't see them in Oregon colors, but they didn't make a mistake by putting on somebody else's hat. They made the best decision for themselves and their family, and there's nothing wrong with that. There will be surprises; last year, the biggest surprise was an early Christmas gift in the form of De'Anthony Thomas. This year, the big surprise might be an Oregon commit flipping to another school. But that wouldn't be a cause for outrage or scorn. It'd simply be a case of a player taking one last look at all the factors in front of him and deciding that one school feels more right in his heart. And nobody has the right to get mad at that. So when you wake up Wednesday morning, cheer the recruits we sign, and send best wishes to the recruits we don't.