FanPost

BREAKING NEWS: EXCLUSIVE TRANSCRIPT OF INTERNAL UO INVESTIGATION INTO MARIJUANA USE BY FOOTBALL PLAYERS


Through trustworthy anonymous sources, I have come into possession of an official transcript of UO AD Rob Mullens's attempt to investigate allegations of marijuana use among football players at UO. The transcript is presented Sic. Documents have yet to be provided to the NCAA, but after the explosive allegations made therein, an official investigation will surely be imminent, and the matter will almost certainly complicate UO's current NCAA troubles. Transcript, after the jump:

(Soft knocks at the door)

FOOTBALL PLAYERS: Who is it?

ROB MULLENS: It's me, Rob. Open up, man, I got to talk to you.

(More knocks)

PLAYERS: Who is it?

MULLENS: It's me, Rob, man. Open up, I got to talk to you.

PLAYERS: Who?

MULLENS: It's, Rob, man. Open up, I think the NCAA saw me come in here.

(More knocks)

PLAYERS: Who is it?

MULLENS: It's, Rob, man. Will you open up, I got the to talk to you.

PLAYERS: Who?

MULLENS: Rob, man. Open up.

PLAYERS: Rob?

MULLENS: Yeah, Rob. C'mon, man, open up, I think the NCAA saw me.

PLAYERS: Rob's not here.

MULLENS: No, man, I'm Rob, man.

(Sharp knocks at the door)

MULLENS: Hey, c'mon, man.

PLAYERS: Who is it?

MULLENS: It's Rob, man. Will you open up? I got to talk to you.

PLAYERS: Who?

MULLENS: Rob, man. Open up.

PLAYERS: Rob?

MULLENS: Yeah, Rob.

PLAYERS: Rob's not here.

MULLENS: What the hell? No, man, I am Rob, man. Will you...

(More knocks)

MULLENS: C'mon! Open up the door, will you? I got to talk to you, I think the NCAA

saw me.

PLAYERS: Who is it?

MULLENS: Oh, what the hell is it...c'mon. Open up the door! It's Rob!

PLAYERS: Who?

MULLENS: Rob! R-O-B! Will you open up the goddam door!

PLAYERS: Rob?

MULLENS: Yeah, Rob!

PLAYERS: Rob?

MULLENS: Right, man. Rob. Now will you open up the door?

PLAYERS: Rob's not here.

This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of SB Nation or the Addicted To Quack Moderators. FanPost opinions are valued expressions of opinion by passionate and knowledgeable Oregon fans.

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