FanPost

BREAKING NEWS: EXCLUSIVE TRANSCRIPT OF INTERNAL UO INVESTIGATION INTO MARIJUANA USE BY FOOTBALL PLAYERS


Through trustworthy anonymous sources, I have come into possession of an official transcript of UO AD Rob Mullens's attempt to investigate allegations of marijuana use among football players at UO. The transcript is presented Sic. Documents have yet to be provided to the NCAA, but after the explosive allegations made therein, an official investigation will surely be imminent, and the matter will almost certainly complicate UO's current NCAA troubles. Transcript, after the jump:

(Soft knocks at the door)

FOOTBALL PLAYERS: Who is it?

ROB MULLENS: It's me, Rob. Open up, man, I got to talk to you.

(More knocks)

PLAYERS: Who is it?

MULLENS: It's me, Rob, man. Open up, I got to talk to you.

PLAYERS: Who?

MULLENS: It's, Rob, man. Open up, I think the NCAA saw me come in here.

(More knocks)

PLAYERS: Who is it?

MULLENS: It's, Rob, man. Will you open up, I got the to talk to you.

PLAYERS: Who?

MULLENS: Rob, man. Open up.

PLAYERS: Rob?

MULLENS: Yeah, Rob. C'mon, man, open up, I think the NCAA saw me.

PLAYERS: Rob's not here.

MULLENS: No, man, I'm Rob, man.

(Sharp knocks at the door)

MULLENS: Hey, c'mon, man.

PLAYERS: Who is it?

MULLENS: It's Rob, man. Will you open up? I got to talk to you.

PLAYERS: Who?

MULLENS: Rob, man. Open up.

PLAYERS: Rob?

MULLENS: Yeah, Rob.

PLAYERS: Rob's not here.

MULLENS: What the hell? No, man, I am Rob, man. Will you...

(More knocks)

MULLENS: C'mon! Open up the door, will you? I got to talk to you, I think the NCAA

saw me.

PLAYERS: Who is it?

MULLENS: Oh, what the hell is it...c'mon. Open up the door! It's Rob!

PLAYERS: Who?

MULLENS: Rob! R-O-B! Will you open up the goddam door!

PLAYERS: Rob?

MULLENS: Yeah, Rob!

PLAYERS: Rob?

MULLENS: Right, man. Rob. Now will you open up the door?

PLAYERS: Rob's not here.

This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of SB Nation or the Addicted To Quack Moderators. FanPost opinions are valued expressions of opinion by passionate and knowledgeable Oregon fans.

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior users will need to choose a permanent username, along with a new password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

I already have a Vox Media account!

Verify Vox Media account

Please login to your Vox Media account. This account will be linked to your previously existing Eater account.

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior MT authors will need to choose a new username and password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join Addicted To Quack

You must be a member of Addicted To Quack to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Addicted To Quack. You should read them.

Join Addicted To Quack

You must be a member of Addicted To Quack to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Addicted To Quack. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.

tracking_pixel_9347_tracker