Hey, offensive line. I know we've had some disagreement in the past. I just had to go and spurn you the second you almost single-handedly cost us a win at Cal (stares at Jordan Holmes). And then you really laid quite the stinker in the title game. I know, I know. You were only so talented. Two stars against a four star line isn't a really fair fight, I get that.
And, to be fair, you exceeded expectations for what you were back then: WSU-style linemen.
But now you've changed. Am I seeing stars (looks at Kyle Long)? Have you been working out? And which way is the gym? Man-crush aside, I've got something to ask you.
My question? Oh, you see, as a fan, we keep on seeing these things called flags. And missed assignments. Snap issues, too (catches a Grasu hike). Come to think of it, for us our weekly obliteration mostly starts early this year (thanks defense!), but I might as well show up at halftime (seeing as that's when the game begins for you). So, as a paying ticket-holder, I was just wondering why you don't arrive when the rest of us do? You know, at the start of the game?
Don't get me wrong: I dig what you do. I watched you and Gotham's Reckoning seal the edge on that Bennett sweep play. You've got some real skill. And I know you're young.
It's just you lead me on like the Girl from Ipanema. I'm just waiting. And you just look the other way. And when I think you're not happy, you blow us fans a kiss. Tell me we can work this bromance out. After all, this hollywood bull usually only happens in Los Angeles (stares at ultimate primadonna Matt Barkley).