Our friends over at OBNUG won the game, and therefore the blog bet. They now get to post on our blog. Here is their entry:
Location: One Bronco Nation Under God headquarters, parents' basement.
Scene: Kellen Moore, Ian Johnson, and the bloggers of OBNUG are playing Scattergories on a Wednesday night, like they always do.
Kellen Moore: An occupation that starts with "P."
Ian Johnson: Plumber.
Kellen Moore: Pat Sajak's Personal Plant Psychiatrist. Four points!
OBNUG: Nothing.
News report comes on TV. Moore, Johnson, and OBNUG turn to listen.
Newsman: A crisis in Eugene. Oregon head coach Mike Bellotti has taken Nike CEO Phil Knight and a barista hostage in a downtown Starbucks. The Eugene volunteer SWAT team is currently on the scene, and the area has been secured. Bellotti's lists of demands include a replay of the Oregon game, a retroactive medical redshirt for Dennis Dixon, and a sincere compliment about his goatee. We'll bring you more details as they arise. Up next, David Augusto interviews himself!
Moore: We have to do something!
Johnson: But he's Oregon's head coach. Let Patrick Chung deal with it.
OBNUG: Yeah. Who cares?
Moore: Guys, we owe Bellotti one. Don't forget; he stubbornly stayed with a gameplan that was never going to work, giving our team the chance to pull the upset and get back into the national spotlight.
Johnson: Alright. Let me check with the wife.
OBNUG: Alright. Let us check with our mom.
Moore pulls off his Boise State hooded sweatshirt to reveal a Superman cape and onesie.
Johnson: OK, I'm good to go.
OBNUG: Us, too. But we have to be home by 11:00.
Moore: Take my hand, friends. We have a rival Pac-10 head coach to save!
Johnson and OBNUG grab onto Moore as he blasts off through the roof of the house and flies toward Eugene.
OBNUG: I can see Robb Akey's mustache from here! (throws up from motion sickness)
Moore, Johnson, and OBNUG land in Eugene. Police chief comes over to update the trio on the situation.
Police chief: Bellotti is alone with Knight and the barista. We don't know if he's armed, but he has been threatening physical harm on the Fair Trade coffee beans if we don't meet his demands. We seriously fear that the lives of Belloti's hostages might be in danger. Can I have your autograph?
Moore: Sure. (signs autograph)
Johnson: You bet. (signs autograph)
OBNUG: Our pleasure.
Police chief: Oh, not you. I don't know who you are.
Moore grabs bullhorn.
Moore: Coach Bellotti, it's me, Kellen Moore. I was the guy who tore up your secondary on Saturday.
Bellotti: Yes, Kellen Moore. I know who you are. You are the one who drove me to this insanity, and now you will pay!! How foolish of you to fall into my trap. I've got you right where I want you now.
Johnson: But Coach Bellotti, I thought you were holding people hostage in the hopes of making up for your inadequacies as a coach and facial hair grower.
Bellotti: That was all part of my master plan to lure you here and destroy you. Phil Knight and I have teamed up to put an end to your reign of terror on BCS schools before it's too late.
Knight: I hate you Kellen Moore, and buy the new Nike iPod shoe.
OBNUG: Who's the barista?
Bellotti: Oh, that's Onterrio Smith. We didn't know he worked here. That was just kind of a coincidence.
Storm clouds and thunder and lightning rage overhead. Rain begins to fall.
Johnson: I only ran for two yards per carry on Saturday. Can I be excused?
Knight: Yes, you may go.
Chris Myers pulls up in a Honda Element.
Myers: Hey, Ian. You and the missus want to come over to my house, eat fondue, and watch my demo tape?
Johnson: Eh, why not?
Myers and Johnson drive away.
Bellotti: You have thrown your last touchdown pass, Kellen Moore. Face the wrath of my 40-foot-tall, brainwashed Oregon Duck mascot. Kill, kill, kill!
People scream in the streets as the 40-foot tall, brainwashed Oregon Duck mascot lumbers toward Moore. The duck and Moore engage in an epic tussle through downtown Eugene, smashing into buildings and crushing parked cars. OBNUG's Verizon Wireless phone beeps.
OBNUG: It's a blog update alert from Brian Murphy. "Guess the winner of the Moore - Oregon duck deathmatch and win $20 worth of Domino's Pizza." We better get to a computer!
OBNUG leaves.
The Oregon Duck pins Moore to the ground, but when he goes in for the killer blow, he makes the mistake of looking into Moore's eyes, thereby reversing the brainwashing curse and receiving implicit instructions through Moore's mental telepathy to go to New York, fix the NYSE using golden duck feathers and the introduction of new Kellen Moore currency, and convince NBC to never cancel Friday Night Lights.
Moore: Is that all you've got, Bellotti?!
Bellotti: We're just getting started!
Chris Harper, underage Nike factory laborers, and the Pacific Ocean appear.
Harper: DUAN!
Throws interception. Leaves.
Bellotti: I knew I should have brought Darron Thomas. Sic him, child laborites!
Underage Nike factory laborers attack Moore with their tiny sewing needles. Moore holds them off, helps them find jobs in America where they can earn minimum wage, and co-signs on an apartment for them.
Knight: Destroy him, Pacific Ocean!
The Pacific Ocean crashes into Moore and rocks and roars, trying to crush the young quarterback. Joe Giansante enters.
Giansante: "This is the Pacific Ocean's Super Bowl."
Joe Giansante leaves.
Just when things look bleak, Moore drinks the Pacific Ocean and spits it out in a fine mist over the dry farmlands of the Midwestern plains, causing pure ethanol corn to grow, and thereby solving the energy crisis.
Knight and Bellotti: (together) Drat!
Moore approaches Knight and Bellotti.
Moore: Let's settle this like men. UNO Attack time!
Moore, Knight, and Bellotti play UNO Attack for 52 days straight, going back and forth in a legendary battle of determination. On the 52nd day, Moore wins.
Knight: Rock, paper, scissors!
Moore, Knight, and Belloti play rock, paper, scissors. Moore wins, best 450 out of 901.
Bellotti: Minesweeper!
Moore, Knight, and Belloti play Minesweeper. Moore wins with a time of zero seconds on expert.
Belloti and Knight: (together) We are beaten men. We should have known better than to test your will, Kellen Moore. We have learned our lesson.
Moore: Good. May you leave this mythical battlefield as better men.Now go donate blood and invite a homeless person to spend the weekend with you.
Moore flies back to Boise, stopping at the Pendleton Dairy Queen to buy Blizzards for every child in the world, and arrives at OBNUG headquarters. It's Wednesday night again, and it's time for more Scattergories.
End scene.