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The Homer's Guide to Little Brother: Every football team commits crimes, few are so hilarious about it

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Every college football team has criminals.  Oregon has certainly not been immune from legal troubles the past few years, whether it be breaking into a frat house to steal a laptop, participating in large brawls, or speeding down the least interesting stretch of Interstate in America at 118 mph.  These things are unfortunate, but none of them are especially unique.

However, if you want a variety of crime that will provide endless entertainment, head about 45 miles up 99W and watch the 2* recruits make all kinds of mischief.  Nobody in the country does crime like Oregon State.

Join me after the jump for a trip down memory lane, as we relive the Oregon State's greatest moments, where they embarrass our state almost as much off the field as they do on it.


Remember, I'm only chronicling hilarious crimes.  Things like beating up national guardsmen aren't hilarious, and won't be made fun of here.

February 11, 2005:  OSU RB Jimtavis Walker and LS Star Paddock were arrested for assaulting a taxi driver and offering to pay their $20 fare with marijuana.

I had completely forgotten about this one until I was researching for this post.  How does this conversation go down?  Sad that they assaulted the cab driver when he refused.  This would have never happened to Cliff Harris, he would have already smoked it all.

March 23, 2005:  OSU DT Ben Siegert is arrested after being pulled over for a DUI with a stolen ram from the OSU homosexual sheep study in the back of his pickup.

The joke that keeps on giving.  What can I say that hasn't already been said?

March, 2010:  LB Keaton Kristic, former QB Lyle Moevao, and former DT Brennan Olander steal a golf cart from the athletic department, take it on a drunken joy ride, wreck it, and leave it in a disabled parking spot.

I don't care how drunk you are, how do you wreck a golf cart?  Leaving it in the disabled spot was a nice touch.  Also, apparently Lyle Moevao was 11-4 as Oregon State's starting quarterback, making him one of their most successful QB's in OSU history.  How the hell did that happen?  Jake Locker thought Moevao had accuracy issues.

August 22, 2010:  OSU DE Tyler Thomas is arrested after breaking into a residence and stripping down to his birthday suit.  When police tried to apprehend Thomas, he got down into a three point stance and bull rushed the officers.

You couldn't make this stuff up if you tried.

However, lets not forget the most hilarious crime in OSU history:

January 10, 2010:  Oregon State signs Mike Riley to a contract extension that will keep him in Corvallis through the 2019 season.

Whenever you can lock up a coach for the next decade whose best season netted you a 3-0 win in the Sun Bowl, you absolutely have to do it.  We're going to win a lot of Civil Wars this decade.