Since Tako Tuesdays began its already-fantastic 2011 season, there has been a void of writing on what Tako Tuesdays is really about: booze. Booze, booze, booze. Today, I pose this question: if the members of the Pac-12 were drinks, what would they be?
Arizona: Jose Cuervo - It's not really Mexico, it it's definitely not good.
Arizona State: Four Loko - It's cheap, it'll get you drunk easy, and - just like most academics don't think of ASU as a real university - most alcoholics won't think of Four Loko as a real "drink".
Cal: Sake - I know you were expecting some sort of organic liqueur, but have you seen Cal's campus? It's overflowing with Asians!
Oregon: Gin - What else could sum up a school that's "Deep in the Woods" than a liquor that tastes like trees?
Oregon State: White Russian - Perhaps the most famous White Russian drinker in pop culture history is The Dude, from the Coen Brothers' classic The Big Lebowski. The Dude is a middle aged man who does next to nothing with his life and whom no one takes seriously. Kind of like anyone with an Oregon State education.
Stanford: Scotch - When teenagers steal booze from their parents, they steal schnapps, vermouth, or sherry because they don't know any better. When Stanford-bound teenagers steal booze from their parents, they steal single malt Scotch because that's all their rich-ass father drinks.
UCLA: Miller High Life - It pretends to be something more than just a crappy beer. It's got a fancy name, a flashy ad campaign, and alllllmost has people convinced that it's good. But it's just another crappy beer.
USC: Cristal champagne - It's expensive. It sounds fancy. It's got "street cred". But it's not on the same level as Dom Perignon, and isn't worth the price.
Utah: Shirley Temple - They may not be Mormon, but they're still from Utah.
Washington: Pee - That's all they deserve.
Washington State: Moonshine - Do I even need to explain this?
Got any better ideas? Drop 'em in the comments. And keep an eye out this upcoming weekend for a special edition of the Tako Tuesdays podcast!