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Tako Tuesdays: The Top Five

By Matt Takimoto Updated
This picture is unrelated to the post, but it is dying to by Photoshopped to look like a breakdance battle. (Photo by Jonathan Ferrey/Getty Images)
This picture is unrelated to the post, but it is dying to by Photoshopped to look like a breakdance battle. (Photo by Jonathan Ferrey/Getty Images)
Getty Images

You all know by now that I'm not very good with words. Just can't seem to use 'em the right way. If it wasn't for Matt Daddy's diligent editing, most Tako Tuesdays would look like this:

OH HAI guys its Tako did u knoe that some beer's taste more diffrent than other beer's likeif you drink a Bud lite then have a raineeeer beer right after they taste kind of the same cuz their made of the same stuff but they dont excacly taste the same you know what i mean? I like the Ducks alot and I think there going to win the national championchip this year heres some other random shit i thought of 15 minuets ago ok thx biyee.

See what I mean? Thank God for Matt Daddy's penchant for vodka and Adderall, or you'd have to slog through that nonsense every week. Yeesh, what a mess.

However, do not let my lack of vocabularic and syntaxical prowess fool you; I'm pretty damn smart. I passed AP Calculus, I got a 1420 on my SATs with a hangover and without studying, I turned down UC Berkeley, and I can juggle. The credentials speak for themselves, my ideas are clever and worth your time. So to save Matt Daddy some time (and let him get back to playing Starcraft and prank-calling the diner down the street from his parent's house), I won't be using those pesky paragraphs. Instead, this very special episode of Tako Tuesdays is chock full of my 2011 football season predictions, in the form of Top Five lists. 

Most Likely to Lead the Team in Total Touchdowns          

1. Darron Thomas

2. LaMichael James

3. Josh Huff

4. Kenjon Barner

5. Lavasier Tuinei

 

Most Likely to Deliver the Hit of the Year

1. Eddie Pleasant

2. John Boyett

3. Josh Kaddu

4. Boseko Lokombo

5. Dion Jordan

 

Games We Might Lose

1. LSU

2. Stanford

3. Arizona

4. Washington

5. USC

 

Team Leaders in Two-Point Conversions Scored

1. Rob Beard

2. Jackson Rice

3. David Paulson

4. Huff

5. James

 

Blowout Wins

1. Missouri State

2. UCLA

3. Colorado

4. Washington State

5. Oregon State

 

Leaders in Interceptions

1. Anthony Gildon

2. Cliff Harris

3. Boyett

4. Terence Mitchell

5. Kiko Alonso

 

Best March to Victory Suits

1. Gary Campbell

2. Don Pellum

3. Barner

4. Harris

5. DeAnthony Thomas

 

All Pac-12 First Teamers

1. James

2. Boyett

3. Harris

4. Kaddu

5. Carson York

 

Impact True Freshmen

1. Colt Lyerla

2. DeAnthony Thomas

3. Tacoi Sumler

4. BJ Kelley

5. Devon Blackmon

 

Most Likely Bowl Destinations

1. Rose

2. Fiesta

3. BCS Championship

4. Alamo

5. Holiday


Grievances? File them below in the comments. 

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