clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

The Homer's Guide to Missouri State: You're Out of Your Element, Donny

Oregon plays the Missouri State Bears of the Ohio Valley Conference, and the only drama in this one is how many body bags the grounds crew needs to break out. Its going to get ugly, really ugly, and perhaps the Bears are wishing they had scheduled Oregon State instead.

The Bears have no significant football history. They haven't even made the FCS playoffs since 1990, a loss to the mighty Vandals of Idaho. In fact, Missouri State's most significant sports moment was making the 2001 Womens' Basketball Final Four on the shoulders of (at the time) NCAA all-time leading scorer Jackie Stiles, who went onto be the #1 Draft Pick of the now defunct Portland Fire.

Fortunately, while the Bears have no football history to speak of, they do have a former football player that went on to great things. John Goodman attended Missouri State on a football scholarship, only to take up acting when injuries derailed his football career. We owe Missouri State, at least on some level, for the genius of the Big Lebowski and Raising Arizona. Nobody liked Roseanne, though. That show sucked.

Other Facts about Missouri State University:

Until 2005, the schools was known as Southwest Missouri State University. Apparently, ceasing to be a directional school doesn't stop you from sucking at football.

Missouri State's campus is located in Springfield, a city that proclaims itself the "Cultural Center of the Ozarks." The Chamber of Commerce gives visiting dignitaries an "Ozark Hillbilly Medallion." In other news, even residents of Springfield, Oregon think this sounds a bit too rednecky.

Missouri State's main benefactor is hotel magnate John Q. Hammons, who built the Bears a new basketball arena AND a new baseball stadium. What use is a benefactor who can't make you any good at football? Sheesh.

You're out of your element, Missouri State.