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Tako Tuesdays: The Most Important Thing the Olympics Has Given The Internet

Ducky loves Olympics!
Ducky loves Olympics!

When I think of the Summer Olympics, I think of, well, summer. Sunshine. Hot weather. You know, summer. And, for a long time, we've had a good run of "summery" locales. Los Angeles, Seoul, Barcelona, Atlanta, Sydney, Athens, Beijing. Fantastic. And now, London. Overcast, rainy, moderately temperatured London. I guess I'm having weak sauce on my bangers and mash, guv'na. If London and their crap ecosystem could host an Olympic games, why not Eugene? It's gray eight months out of the year, and every walk longer than ten minutes gets you moist. So I submit to you, my bid for the 2028 Olympic games to Eugene, OR! We've already got plenty of room for all the events. Take a look!

  • Track & Field - Hayward Field
  • Soccer - Autzen Stadium
  • Softball and Baseball - Wait, they aren't playing these in 2012? Does the IOC hate freedom or something?
  • Golf - Nine holes at Laurelwood, nine holes at Putters. A tournament unlike any other.
  • Swimming - The Millrace
  • Diving - Off the bridge into the Willamette
  • Beach volleyball - the court next to the Carson residence hall
  • Basketball, volleyball, gymnastics - Matthew Knight Arena
  • Trampoline, judo, weightlifting, badminton - Macarthur Court
  • Taekwondo, fencing, wrestling, table tennis - Gerlinger
  • Equestrian - Humpy Lumpy Lawn
  • Rowing, canoe slalom - Rec Center pool
  • Sailing - Um, crap. Oh, I got it. We'll put the boats on wheels and race them down W. 11th. Yep, that'll work.
  • Archery and shooting - Everywhere around town. Whoever bags the most nutria in two weeks wins gold.
  • Modern pentathlon - I don't know what this is, but I'm going to assume it fits in Columbia 150.
  • Triathlon - Any dorm common room, this doesn't need much space at all. Wait, this isn't the thing where you try and eat a pizza, drink a case of beer, and smoke an eighth of weed as fast as you can? Because that's the only triathlon I know.
Eugene 2028. It's FOOLPROOF!

On to bigger, and more sponsored, matters.

Once every two years, our country can come together and cheer on our best athletes not named LaMichael James as they try their damnedest to win us some international bragging rights. And let's be honest, this country doesn't have a lot going for it right now, what with a divisive election, high unemployment, Kentucky basketball and the Miami Heat winning championships, and Ke$ha. There isn't a lot to brag about right now, so some USA sports beatdowns would be sorely appreciated. We need this. Need it real bad.

There have been countless iconic moments in Olympic history, from Jesse Owen's historic display in Berlin, to Bruce Jenner's decathlon gold (this was before he married into a nuthouse and looked at the Ark of the Covenant), to Michael Phelps and his incomparable lung capacity. Oregon, while not an Olympic powerhouse, has produced numerous medalists, including double gold medalist Otis Smith, discus thrower Mac Wilkins, and Brazilian Joaquim Cruz, one of the best 800 meter runners of all time. My memorable Olympic moment did not happen at the Olympics. But it wouldn't have been possible without them.

Carl Lewis is arguably the greatest men's track athlete of all time. His nine gold medals places him second all-time, trailing only Michael Phelps. He won four straight gold medals in the long jump, his last coming in the Atlanta games, as a 35 year old. His four golds at the 1984 Los Angeles games matched Jesse Owens' historic total from Berlin. But most importantly, Carl Lewis knows he's awesome. Awesome people who know they're awesome brim with confidence. Awesome people who achieve fame use their notoriety to pursue other endeavors.

In summary, without the pageantry and prestige of the Olympics, the world would have missed out on Carl Lewis' "Break It Up", with accompanying music video.

Thanks Olympics. You're the best. Now read that ad down there, so I can get paid, head to the liquor store, and start my triathlon training.


Celebrate the most compelling moments in Summer Games history with 'Memorable Moments' on Yahoo! Sports. Re-live moments such as Nadia Comaneci's perfect 10s in Montreal, Michael Phelps' record eight gold medals in Beijing, Carl Lewis' unforgettable four gold medals in Los Angeles, the spectacular success of the 1992 US Dream Team, Muhammad Ali in Rome and Atlanta, and any more!

These special moments are showcased through exclusive video, iconic photos, and stories on Yahoo!'s hub dedicated to the coverage of the Games. Enjoy the unique storytelling from Yahoo! Sports' award-winning writers and experts, as well as through the lens of Yahoo!'s users themselves.

Check out Memorable Moments on Yahoo! Sports!