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Nick Aliotti's "Just Give Up Already" Campaign

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Because if at first you don't succeed, start running the ball so we can all go home faster.

Steve Dykes

Following Oregon's 62-38 win over Washington State, Oregon defensive coordinator Nick Aliotti commented on WSU head coach Mike Leach's call to continue to throw the ball late in the fourth quarter in an attempt to try and salvage some dignity, or perhaps get Connor Halliday some records (which he did). Aliotti called it "total bullshit" and "low class" to rack up points against Oregon's third or fourth stringers when the outcome of the game was no longer in doubt. Nick Aliotti severely overestimates how many fucks Mike Leach gives about his feelings. Mike Leach is the guy at Panera Bread that orders the whole staff to pick the raisins out of his oatmeal, because the customer is always right and whether or not you miss you manicure appointment in twenty minutes has nothing to do with him. Leach teaches his kids to play hard for sixty minutes, and they did that last night against Oregon. And Aliotti didn't like it, because Nick Aliotti hasn't been a part of a team that's down by 38 in the fourth quarter in at least a decade, and doesn't remember what it's like to play full-out for a full game because Oregon's hyper-efficient automatons get an hour of work done in seventeen minutes. Here's some other things I'm sure Nick Aliotti thinks:

  • Nick Aliotti thinks the Delta house should have just found real jobs instead of ruining a perfectly pleasant homecoming parade with their hijinks.
  • Nick Aliotti thinks salmon are stupid, what with their swimming upstream. Don't they know about bears, and how currents work. Dumbass fish.
  • Nick Aliotti thinks the Boston Red Sox should have just packed it in after game 3 of the 2004 ALCS.
  • Nick Aliotti thinks Tony Montana should have killed himself instead of trying to fight his way out and getting blood all over his fountain.
  • Nick Aliotti thinks Walter White should have said his goodbyes to family and friends and entered hospice care.
  • Nick Aliotti hasn't had a driver's license since 1971, because the line is always too long.
  • Nick Aliotti was rooting for the Toy Story 3 toys to burn up in the trash incinerator.
  • Nick Aliotti thinks you should be able to file for bankruptcy whenever you want.
  • Nick Aliotti once got a flat tire driving down I-5 on a recruiting trip. He set the car on fire and walked the rest of the way.
  • Nick Aliotti was once a member of the Cobra Kai dojo.
Nick, we here at ATQ all love you. You're an Oregon lifer, a smart guy, and a hell of a defensive coordinator. If Oregon football is the Corleone family, you're Tom Hagen (which is ironic, considering you're the most Italian person on the coaching staff). And I'm sure you were just standing up for your players, who didn't really deserve to get trod upon like that after shutting out the Cougs for the entire third quarter. But all us fans know how pointless those late points were. And your players know it too. You don't have to whine about the opposing coach after you beat them by 24 points even after those late scores. It makes you look like the classless one.