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Quack Fix: The Morning After


Kelley L Cox-USA TODAY Sports

None of ya'll wanna see links about last night's game. If you do, what the hell is wrong with you, you masochist? Oregon was dominated in every facet of the game by Stanford. If the Cardinal hadn't have gotten lazy on a field goal, the final score would have been 29-7, a score that actually would have encompassed the full weight of the game. The offense was worthless for three and a half quarters, the defense couldn't get any sort of third down stop, and special teams was as mediocre as it's been all season.

None of ya'll wanna see links about last night's game.

Here's where Oregon stands:

  • If Stanford loses to either USC or Cal, Oregon is back in front in the Pac-12 North, and can secure a Rose Bowl bid with a win in the Pac-12 title game.
  • If Stanford runs the table, and some weirdness happens with Florida St/Alabama/Baylor/Ohio State, then Stanford has the credentials to get into the BCS title game. If that happens, the Rose Bowl jumps at the chance to invite a one-loss Oregon team.
  • If neither of those things happen, a Top 10, one-loss Oregon team has the pedigree to get a BCS at-large bid to the Fiesta, Sugar, or Orange Bowl.
  • Or, ya know, I've heard San Antonio is a fantastic city.
In any event, the national title hopes are gone, just like they were last year. Marcus Mariota "in a losing effort" is a nice story, but Jameis Winston won the Heisman Trophy by sitting on his couch and eating cheese doodles on Thursday night.

To call last night's game a disappointment would be an understatement.

Things to discuss in the comments, that aren't butt wipes or soccer or parenting or whatever bullshit you guys can come up with:

- Has Stanford discovered the blueprint for beating Oregon, or is this a case of two awful games in consecutive seasons against the same team?

- Can we start a Kickstarter to get David Shaw the fuck out of Palo Alto and on to an NFL coaching staff?

- Is bigger truly better?

- If a tree falls in the forest, and it hits the Oregon defense, does it pick up a first down?

- Would the lovely lady in the row behind my in section 125 with the high-pitched voice and the opinions about Mark Helfrich and the officiating please stand up and be accounted for? I want to give you a sticker, and tell you that you're wrong about most things.

- Has anyone found the part of the playbook that included most of the running plays, and has it been returned to Coach Frost?

- Can we pretend that Oregon beat Stanford 41-12, and Oklahoma upset Baylor 26-20? Because those are the scores that make more cosmic sense, and you know how I hate pissing off the cosmos.

- What is the best single item on any fast food menu? My money's on Wendy's spicy chicken sandwich, but that's just one man's opinion.

If you really want to leave links in the comments, I'm not going to stop you. Just know that you're a terrible human being.