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The Tako Tuesdays Guide to Enjoying Signing Day

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or, how to avoid being the guy that Tweets some form of GOD DAMMIT HOW DARE THAT KID GO TO COLLEGE WHAT A PRICK!

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Scott Olmos-US PRESSWIRE

Happy National Signing Day Eve, Duck fans! Around the country, thousands of high school athletes will be signing letters of intent to play football and get a college education, never a bad thing any way you look at it, and Oregon will end the day with a new class of athletes to cheer on. Some things to think about going into tomorrow:

  • A verbal commitment today means a hell of a lot more than a verbal commitment last October. Barring something completely out of the ordinary, if a player is verbally committed today, he'll be signing tomorrow. And if there's any wavering on that commitment, there'd already be rumors about it.
  • Oregon isn't really in the running for any major uncommitted players this year; there isn't a Terrelle Pryor or a Bryce Brown sweepstakes that will pique our interest in 2013. So if you're waiting for Robert Nkemdiche to put on an Oregon hat tomorrow morning, you will be sorely disappointed.
  • This is one of the biggest days of the year for fax machines and fax machine enthusiasts. So celebrate like any fax machine enthusiast would: have some granola, read a fantasy novel, have some tortellini and a cup of decaf coffee for dinner, then go to sleep alone.
This also happens to be day where we see some of the worst in college football fans. We've all heard the guy (or gal) who overreacts to a player choosing a school other than theirs, and busts in with the vitriol. We all hate that guy. Don't be that guy. It's fine to get upset at a pro athlete for leaving your team for a warmer climate or a bigger paycheck. But spewing hate about a teenager who has never played a day for your school just because he liked a different school better? That's haterish, and lame. Don't do it.

To help you stay away from this particular douchechasm, here are some key phrases to avoid:
  • "What an idiot."
  • "I hope he gets hurt."
  • "He sounds like a punk, we didn't want him anyway."
  • "What did we need that guy for? He wasn't gonna ever see the field."
  • "Crack me a Four Loko bro, it's time to find a cougar."
That last phrase is applicable in any douchechasm you may encounter. If you drink Four Loko, you are a douche. This is non-negotiable.

So what should you do on National Signing Day? Well, let me tell you all about it via ANOTHER series of bullet points!
  • Twitter is your best friend; it's going to be the fastest and most all-encompassing way to keep up-to-date with the letters of intent coming in. Be sure to be following Rob Moseley (@DuckFootball), Justin Hopkins of Duck Territory (@JHopkins247), ATQ recruiting guru nds500 (@noahoregon), and, of course, our good friend Chesterfield the Twitter Gorilla (@AddictedtoQuack). If you send Chesterfield a direct message, he might send you back a picture of his banana.
  • Know the big undecideds left: the biggest news will come from twins Tyree and Tyrell Robinson, who are mulling a decision between the Galactic Empire and the Rebel Alliance (and just to clarify, Oregon is the Empire. Our Death Star is a 6'4" Hawaiian guy, and his thermal exhaust port has a goddamn cover on it. And Steve Sarkisian is an Ewok.). They are the last possible changes left after RB Dontre Wilson flipped his commitment to Ohio State, WR Darren Carrington decided to stick with Oregon, and LB Johnny Ragin, a Wilsonville native who described Oregon as his "dream", ultimately maintained his commitment to Cal.
  • Dream big about the guys that sign: imagine Thomas Tyner hoisting the Heisman Trophy, or Juwaan Williams laying a big hit on an OSU quarterback, or Matt Wogan making a kick to win a national championship. Or, you know, Matt Wogan making any sort of kick.
  • For the guys that go elsewhere, wish them good luck and move on. Don't Tweet at them telling them they made a mistake, or grumble about how they couldn't possibly be as successful in a uniform that isn't winged. Kids choose the school that brings them the most comfort, or the school at which they see themselves flourishing; if that isn't Oregon, then fine. Nothing we can do about it, it's best not to dwell.
  • No matter what happens, De'Anthony Thomas, Marcus Mariota, Hronnis Grasu, Taylor Hart, Boseko Lokombo, and Ifo Ekpre-Olomu will be Oregon Ducks when spring practice opens. And that is a good thing.
Live by these rules on Wednesday, and everyone will still like you on Thursday. Go Ducks, and here's to a happy and unsurprising Signing Day!