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Tako Tuesdays: Bold Statements

Common opinions make me break out in hives.


I'm so sick and tired of you god damn readers agreeing with me.

Multiple articles over the last couple months. All of them, completely free of outrage and vitriol.

Makes me sick.

I miss the old days, where I'd write 1000 words on some bullshit like David Hasselhoff or Pabst Blue Ribbon, and everyone would tear me a new one telling me how I was wrong about everything and that my parents hate me. Then I grew up, started writing like a real adult pseudo-journalist, and everything went quiet.

It feels so lonely around these parts.

Sounds like it's time for a summertime edition of BOLD STATEMENTS!

For those who don't know how this works, I'm going to make a series of bold statements, all of which I completely believe in. These are my opinions, and you're wrong for disagreeing with me. But that doesn't mean you can't try. In the comments. Let's get it to 300 or 400 comments people. Burn this mother fucker. Burn it good.


  • Marcus Mariota will win the 2013 Heisman trophy.
  • Oregon will advance to the BCS National title game...and lose.
  • Cornhole is a boring game, and anyone who enjoys playing it doesn't actually know what having fun feels like.
  • Jack in the Box tacos are delicious.
  • De'Anthony Thomas will NOT lead Oregon in rushing in 2013.
  • benzduck cheats at Words with Friends.
  • Jessica Biel just doesn't do it for me.
  • I rooted for the Heat in the NBA Finals, with no regrets or guilty feelings. Lebron James is awesome.
  • No Country for Old Men is not a very good movie.
  • Chardonnay is terrible.
  • So it merlot.
  • So is Blue Moon.
  • Gerard Butler is the worst.
  • If you're drinking beer, and worrying about your calorie intake, you're stupid. Either stop drinking, or chill the hell out.
  • Jay-Z hasn't made a good album since The Black Album.
  • Gin tastes terrible.
  • There is no household chore worse than doing the dishes.
  • I've had Burgerville. More than once. Not impressed.
  • You're crippling your kids if you don't let them think for themselves, and make their own mistakes.
Do your worst, commentariat.