Quack Fix: ALLCAPS4MOMBA, PANTSOFF4TAKO

So the rest of these freeloading mods didn't have it in them to post a QF today, so they had to leave it to a professional.

/dude, you've written like, three Quack fixes in four years.

Shut up, everybody else, I know what I'm doing here.

Football season is 26 days away, and we're all very excited. And the Addicted to Quack game threads are THE place to be on game day, unless you're at Autzen Stadium. Or a really cool sports bar. Or hanging out with friends. Or a moderately cool sports bar. Or on vacation. Or at your buddy's wedding because some men just want to watch the world burn. In any event, ATQ game threads are great. But we haven't had a game thread of any kind since baseball was bounced from the NCAA tournament, and the last football thread was the Fiesta Bowl. So you might be a little rusty on how these things work. Here's how to properly comment on game day at Addicted to Quack:

• Pregame panic is not only allowed, it is encouraged. Run through all the worst case scenarios in your head, get them out of the way. There hasn't been a worst-case scenario game featuring the Oregon Ducks since 2009. Odds are all your stress is for nothing, but we respect your right to freak the hell out.
• But once the game starts, focus. Chances are decent that Oregon will open the game with a less-than-perfect drive, even against Nicholls State. This does not give you permission to start chanting FIRE HELFRICH or PUT IN LOCKIE. Those chants are best saved for right after a crisp touchdown drive, when everyone knows you're joking.
• For the love of Joey, please don't be that guy that complains when the third-stringers give up a touchdown to Washington State's starting offense (they will), Jake Rodrigues and Thomas Tyner fumble a mesh (they probably won't because Rodrigues4Heisman2014), or when Chad Delaney muffs a punt return (he won't because WHITE GUY SURE HANDS GYM RAT SCRAPPY). Oregon will blow some teams out this year, and the ends of those games become live scrimmages. Both units are working on specific things, regardless of what the other team is throwing out there. It will probably look pretty ugly at times. This is okay. Oregon will still win, and then two years later Oregon will be better because they've got guys with game reps under their belt.
• The community guidelines still apply to game threads. ATQ is one of the loosest blogs in the SBN network when it comes to cursing, talking about butts, and camping trip orgy fanfiction, but we still have a few rules. Our full community guidelines can be found HERE, but the two most applicable to game threads are: "no links to illegal streams in game threads" - I'm all for getting everybody to watch the game, we just can't advertise it. Use the gazillion other forms of online messaging to spread the word, and "no personal attacks directed at specific people". So you can not tell anyone to go fuck themselves, be it a fellow commenter, Matt Barkley, or even Jay Stricherz. Glasses McFuckface, on the other hand, is a registered user on ATQ, and any comment invoking that name I will assume not to be about Jay Stricherz. Insinuating that Jay Stricherz IS Glasses McFuckface would be both inflammatory and inaccurate, and would be grounds for a warning or banning.
• Lastly, here are three superstitions that many of the Quackheads here like to employ as a means of good luck towards our Ducks: ALL CAPS, PANTS OFF, STRAIGHT WHISKEY. So if you visit a game thread for the first time, and find dozens of people yelling about their underwear and berating me for drinking Evan Williams, this is why.