Two things up front:
1. If you're ever in San Francisco on an Oregon game day, you must go to R Bar on Sutter and Polk and watch it. Get there an hour early if you want to sit down, two hours early if you want a table. It is glorious, and will eventually kill me.
2. If you do find yourself at R Bar, do NOT sit at the bar. It puts you too close to the next round, a dangerous proposition in case a close game breaks out. All you need to do is look up, give a bit of smolder to Ed behind the bar, and he'll bring you another of whatever you're having, which if you have any sense is a Bud Light tall boy and a shot of Jameson for $9. By the fourth quarter, you're somehow feel as though you're simultaneously watching every single Ducks game you've ever watched. Then you wake up at home, and you aren't sure what the final score was, or who Oregon played, or who started at quarterback, or what year it is. I have made this mistake twice. The first time was Arizona State in 2011, when Darron Thomas got hurt in the second half and Bryan Bennett came in while Oregon was trailing. The second time was Saturday night. In both cases, the details of the game I watched elude me, for some reason.
Therefore, I need your help to recap the game. We will do this in the style of everyone's favorite party game, Mad Libs. If you've never played Mad Libs, here's how it works: you'll start by writing down some words, any words you choose. Then, you'll take those words you wrote down and plug them into the blanks in the second-half recap below, in the order in which you wrote them. Ready? Go.
PLURAL NOUN ________________________________
DUCKS PLAYER _______________________________
KITCHEN UTENSIL, PLURAL _____________________________
PERSON YOU'D LIKE TO SEE EATEN BY SHARKS___________________________________
OREGON DUCKS QUARTERBACK ____________________________________
MODE OF TRANSPORTATION ENDING IN -ING_________________________________
SUPER HOT CHICK ______________________________
The mood was _____________________ as the second half began, with Michigan State up 14-7 on the Ducks of Oregon. Oregon played well in the first half, though two ________________ by Vernon Adams killed scoring chances for the Ducks. That all changed when __________________ returned a punt for a touchdown, tying the game. The Ducks fans in attendance in East Lansing began waving ________________________ to show their support. Michigan State QB Connor Cook began to ____________ the Spartans down the field. The ESPN cameras showed _____________________ in the stands, and Oregon fans yelled for them to go ____________ themselves. With Oregon's play looking more and more _____________________, the Ducks looked to ________________________________ to lead the comeback. After the __________________ had settled, the final score was Michigan State __________, Oregon ________________. After the game, Mark Helfrich described the performance as "________________". This left poor Tako in need of something to eat, ducking into a _____________ joint to chow on some _______________________ eats. After ________________ home, he snuggled up next to his girlfriend, _____________________ for some much-needed sleep. It would be a rough morning.