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The Onion perfectly nails Marcus Mariota's "strengths" and "weaknesses"

Because he's just too nice of a person for the NFL.

Kim Klement-USA TODAY Sports

On Thursday afternoon, The Onion released a graphic highlighting the strengths and weaknesses of Marcus Mariota, who is the talk of the NFL after his historic debut against Jameis Winston and the Buccaneers.

I will let you enjoy the chart in full for all the laughs, but I'd like to share my personal favorites from what makes Marcus Mariota so great, and also what some of his "red flags" may be.

Strong Side: Still has $218 leftover Oregon "Campus Cash."

  • Pretty sure if my UO student ID was still valid, I'd still have some money I could burn on printing off paper in the library. So many print jobs in the Knight Library. You all know the struggle. Marcus is a hero for saving up this much dough on his ID card.

Weak Side: Too polite to claim last rep left in practice

  • You know Marcus Mariota would never take the last slice of pizza or take the last beer at the party. Actually, has he ever drank beer or been to a party? Not totally sure about either of those. But after all the concerns about Marcus being "too nice" for the NFL, you could totally see this happening.