What you’d get if you bought something from every bowl game’s title sponsor this year (Part 1)

The 2016-17 college football bowl season is here, and there are a lot of bowl games. 40 to be exact. And it’s hard to keep track of all of them. So to make it even more confusing, there’s sponsors that go with each bowl game, and even those change fairly often.

I came across a tweet recently from SB Nation’s Roger Sherman that had me laughing out loud:

But it also got me thinking. What would happen if you celebrated a bowl season by personally investing into the sponsor of each bowl game? I’m not talking about stocks here, I’m talking about buying whatever that company sells, whether it be a sack of potatoes, a hotel room, or even a ballistic missile.

So, in alphabetical order, let’s go through every bowl game and see what you'd get if you bought something from their title sponsor and how exciting that purchase would be on a scale of 1-5 stars. Since there are 35 bowl games with title sponsors, this will be a two-part series. Be sure to check back in later this week for part two.

Valero Alamo Bowl

The Valero Alamo Bowl is held in San Antonio at, you guessed it, the Alamodome. The title sponsor is Valero Energy, which is based in San Antonio. Many of you have probably bought something from them before just by pumping gas into your car. Yep, that’s all Valero is, is a big energy company that has a lot of gas stations. Yawn.

Excitement of purchase: 1 star

Nova Home Loans Arizona Bowl

This is a newer bowl that began it 2015, featuring teams from the Mountain West and Sun Belt. The sponsor is pretty obvious from their title. On their website, they advertise programs for first-time home buyers. The concept of buying a home is pretty exciting, but figuring out a loan for said home is a nightmare.

Excitement of Purchase: 2 stars

Lockheed Martin Armed Forces Bowl

Now we’re talking! This was previously the Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl, and that would've been exciting enough, but Lockheed Martin takes this purchase to the next level. The list of their “products” includes ballistic missiles, littoral combat ships, armored fighting vehicles and spacecrafts. Giving this purchase five stars still feels like I’m not giving it enough credit, but rules are rules.

Excitement of purchase: 5 stars

Popeye’s Bahamas Bowl

Going to the Bahamas for your bowl game is pretty cool. This is another newer bowl game, starting in 2014. This is another sponsor we should all be familiar with, and if you're not, you're missing out. I’m always pretty stoked anytime I get Popeye’s, even if it’s not a big purchase. That being said, it’s probably going to end in you regretting your choice on lunch.

Excitement of purchase: 3 stars

Belk Bowl

I had to Google this company, mostly because I’m not from the southeast. Belk is a chain of department stores with “flagship” locations in Alabama, Georgia and the Carolinas. I have no idea what I could get at a Belk store, but it’s probably not worth a flight across the country.

Excitement of purchase: 1 star

Motel 6 Cactus Bowl

I’ve stayed in a Motel 6 on several occasions, and the most exciting part about it is how much money you are saving compared to other hotels, so it get’s a bonus star for that. The scariest part is knowing how much money you are saving compared to other hotels. Stay at one, and you too will understand.

Excitement of Purchase: 2 stars

Raycom Media Camellia Bowl

I had to Google both the company and the bowl game. Raycom Media as a television broadcasting company based in Montgomery, Alabama. If you were to spend money on something from Raycom Media, you'd probably be buying one of their TV stations. As a person who has never owned a TV station, the mystery excites me, sort of.

Excitement of purchase: 2 stars

Buffalo Wild Wings Citrus Bowl

If you have ever been to a Buffalo Wild Wings, you understand the pure joy of the experience. Cheap wings, dipping sauces and lots of them! And all the sports you could possibly hope to watch at once. I highly recommend your dinner tonight to be at your nearest Buffalo Wild Wings location. And don’t tell me you can't find one, because there are over 1,100 of them across all 50 states.

Excitement of purchase: 5 stars

Goodyear Cotton Bowl Classic

Goodyear is a company we should all be familiar with. If you're not, you either don't know anything about tires or have never watched any major sporting event in your life where the Goodyear blimp flies high in the sky. Buying a set of tires? Mildly exciting depending on how much you're into cars. Buying the Goodyear blimp itself? 10 out of 10, would recommend. But we’ll rate the tire purchase appropriately.

Excitement of Purchase: 2 stars

AutoNation Cure Bowl

If you’re shopping with AutoNation, you are buying yourself a car, which is pretty damn exciting. But hopefully you aren't driving it to the AutoNation Cure Bowl, because that means you’re going to watch a couple of average college football teams instead of going to Disney World. And that’s the biggest mistake one can make when going to Orlando.

Excitement of purchase: 5 stars

Dollar General Bowl

Shopping at the dollar store is something that not many people do seriously. But at the same time, the bargains that can be found in a dollar store are second to none. I remember once stocking up on 2-liters of soda while spending much of the time checking for an expiration date that probably passed six months ago. But for the most part, there’s nothing too exciting in a dollar store.

Excitement of purchase: 2 stars

Idaho Potato Commission Famous Idaho Potato Bowl

Bowl games with title sponsors can have some funny names. This is definitely one of them. But there’s nothing even remotely exciting about buying a potato (or a sack of potatoes, if you're ambitious), even if it is a famous Idaho potato, so we’re moving onto the next one.

Excitement of purchase: 1 star

PlayStation Fiesta Bowl

The Fiesta Bowl has gone through its fair share of title sponsors, but none will top when Tostitos sponsored it. I covered that game, and yes, the media hospitality suite had an endless supply of Tostitos chips and dip. One night, we literally ate nothing but chips and dip for dinner. Now, PlayStation sponsors it, and as much as I love a good chips and dip combo, the idea of buying a PS4 definitely tops that.

Excitement of purchase: 5 stars

Foster Farms Bowl

If you like poultry products, this bowl would be for you. I still prefer the days when it was the Emerald Bowl and every fan in attendance got free Emerald nuts. Or the time I had a media pass for when it was the Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl. Yes, in my media gift bag was a box of Kraft mac and cheese.

Excitement of purchase: 1 star

Zaxby’s Heart of Dallas

According to Zaxby’s Wikipedia page, they are a chain of “fast casual restaurants,” which seems like a really nice way of calling it a fast food joint. If any of you are from the south, you're probably familiar with Zaxby’s. I am not familiar with it, but from the pictures, it looks like the type of food you know you shouldn’t eat, but just can't say no to at 3 o’clock in the morning after a night of drinking.

Excitement of purchase: 2 stars when sober, 3 stars when drunk

National Funding Holiday Bowl

The Holiday Bowl will always be special to me, because it was at the 2008 edition of the game where I attended, watched LeGarrette Blount do LeGarrette Blount things, and fell in love with this team. The game is now sponsored by National Funding, which offers such services as small business funding and equipment financing. Like the home mortgage above, the process of buying into this is probably painful, but likely for an exciting reason. I’ll be generous on this one and award it three stars.

Excitement of purchase: 3 stars

Camping World Independence Bowl

Have you ever gone camping? No? You should, it’s freaking awesome. There is no better way to get in touch with your inner pioneer than to drive to some plot of government-owned land, find a patch in the middle of nowhere among bears and wolves, and say “This looks like a good place to live for a few days.” Luckily, Camping World has literally everything you’d need for this adventure.

Excitement of purchase: 4 stars

GEICO Las Vegas Bowl

Let’s play a word association game. I say GEICO, you say...(everyone says gecko in unison). Of course, GEICO sells auto insurance, which really isn't that exciting. Now, if the gecko is for sale, this is a whole different story. Fun fact: GEICO’s mascot is of course, a gecko, but more specifically, it is a gold dust day gecko with a Cockney accent, which is an English accent traditionally spoken by working-class Londoners. #TheMoreYouKnow

Excitement of purchase: 1 star for the insurance, 5 stars for the gecko.