Tako Tuesdays Rates Khalil Tate

You could put any superlative next to Arizona QB Khalil Tate and it fits. Dynamic. Unstoppable. Dazzling. Breathtaking. He’s been THE must-watch quarterback in college football this year, and it’s not like Lamar Jackson got any less brilliant. It was just six weeks ago when Tate announced his presence to the world by setting the NCAA record for rushing yards by a QB, 327 yards on only 14 carries. Since that week, there has been the prevailing opinion of, “Yeah, that’s amazing. But he can’t keep doing that...can he?”

He’s proven by now that yes, he can keep doing that.

Since taking the starting job against Colorado, the FEWEST yards rushing he has had in a game is 137. He’s rushed for 200+ yards three times. He’s had a run of 50 yards or more in every game. He’s otherworldly. Mind-boggling. Untouchable.

I know it’s early. But the Internet is no place for patient, measured commentary. Let’s figure out where Khalil Tate stands in the annals of universal greatness right now, using some easily-recognizable and familiar places of comparison, starting with:

Who’s better: Khalil Tate, or Johnny Manziel?

Photo by Scott Halleran/Getty Images

The case for Manziel: He won a Heisman, he beat Bama, he had a signature hand signal, and he answered the question, “what if a can of Keystone Light was an elite athlete?”

The case for Tate: Has never lost his starting job to Josh McCown.

Khalil Tate is better.

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Who’s better: Khalil Tate, or Steve Young?

The case for Young: Super Bowl MVP, Hall of Famer, 3rd-leading rushing QB in NFL history, did this:

The case for Tate: Pac-12 player of the week in 4 straight games, single-handedly saved Rich Rodriguez’ job, is amazing despite not having Jerry Rice to throw to, did this:

Khalil Tate is better.

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Who’s better: Khalil Tate, or Meryl Streep?

Robert Deutsch-USA TODAY

The case for Streep: 3 Academy Awards, the greatest actor alive not named James Van Der Beek, Miranda goddamn Priestly.

The case for Tate: Averaging 11.6 yards per carry this season, had nothing to do with Mamma Mia.

Khalil Tate is better.

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Who’s better: Khalil Tate, or an Allosaurus?

The case for Allosaurus: apex predator of the Jurassic period, could run over 20 mph, Utah’s state fossil due to the abundance of Allosaurus fossils found in the Cleveland-Lloyd Quarry located two hours outside Provo.

The case for Tate: May also be able to run over 20 mph, has Arizona ahead of Utah in the Pac-12 South standings, is not extinct.

Khalil Tate is better.

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Who’s better: Khalil Tate, or Jesus?

Matt Cashore-USA TODAY Sports

The case for Jesus: Son of God, can walk on water, otherworldly abs.

The case for Tate: 3rd in the Pac-12 in rushing this season, behind only Bryce Love and Phillip Lindsay, has over 800 rushing yards more than any other Pac-12 QB, has his friends sit on both sides of the table when they go out for supper.

Khalil Tate is better.

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Who’s better: Khalil Tate, or a Sourdough Jack?

The case for a Sourdough Jack: greasy, delicious, available 24 hours a day, will meet your expectations every single time without fail.

The case for Tate: Thanks to the Pac-12’s TV contract, is also available 24 hours a day, has also never failed to meet expectations. He’s a Sourdough Jack in shoulder pads.

Khalil Tate is better

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Who’s better: Khalil Tate, or Michael Vick?

Photo by Matthew Stockman/Getty Images

The case for Vick: Unquestionably the greatest running quarterback of all time, the 2nd-greatest video game football player of all time, the only QB ever rush for 1000 yards in an NFL season.

The case for Tate: His 2017 rushing total is six yards shy of Vick’s career college rushing total. Still though...

Michael Vick is better.

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There you have it. Khalil Tate is better than everything except Michael Vick. If you were curious about the full rankings, they look like this:

1. Michael Vick
2. Khalil Tate
3. Meryl Streep
4. Jesus
5. An Allosaurus
6. Steve Young
7. Sourdough Jack
8. Johnny Manziel

This is the most scientific article I’ve ever written. Facts are exhausting, I don’t think I’ll continue to use them in the future.