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Quack Fix 12-2-2017: ATQ is Burning To the Ground

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BELFAST, NORTHERN IRELAND - JULY 12:  Loyalist are silhouetted as they gather in front of the bonfire on the Sandy Row area on July 12, 2017 in Belfast, Northern Ireland. The lighting of the bonfires at midnight on the eleventh night mark the start of the annual twelfth of July celebrations within the protestant community. The Orange marches and demonstrations celebrate the Battle of the Boyne in 1690 when the Protestant King William of Orange defeated the Catholic King James II on the banks of the river Boyne.  (Photo by Jeff J Mitchell/Getty Images)
PANIC
Photo by Jeff J Mitchell/Getty Images

So much good Championship Game action today! I know we’ll all be watching avidly! I mean, what else could possibly capture our attention so completely as Memphis vs. the Fighting Frosties? One thing we can be sure of; by 1:00pm Pacific today, Nebraska will have a new head coach.

OKAY DUCKIES, HERE ARE THE RULES FOR THE DAY:

  1. NO ONE JUMPS OFF A LEDGE OF ANY HEIGHT. EVERYONE ALSO AVOID SHARP INSTRUMENTS.
  2. YOU NEVER KNOW, PANTLESSNESS AND WHISKEY MIGHT HELP, SO STRIP AND DRINK.
  3. DO NOT TURN ON EACH OTHER. TWITTER IS YOUR ENEMY, YOUR DUCK BROS AND SISTERS ARE NOT.
  4. I AM READY TO BAN AS MANY #NOLEFANHEAR TROLLS AS NECESSARY.
  5. DO NOT EVISCERATE COACHES THAT HAVEN’T EVEN LEFT YET. I GET THE TEMPTATION, I HAD TO PUT MYSELF IN TIMEOUT FOR A WHILE LAST NIGHT. BUT THE NO PERSONAL ATTACKS RULE STANDS, EVEN IF WE GET BAD NEWS THIS WEEKEND.
  6. WE SURVIVED THE CHIP KELLY DEPARTURE, WE WILL SURVIVE WILLIE-GATE 2017.

Okay, so there really is football today and here it is:

20 Memphis vs 14 UCF 9:00am ABC

11 TCU vs 3 Oklahoma 9:30am FOX

6 Georgia vs 2 Auburn 1:00pm CBS

25 Fresno St. vs Boise St. 4:45pm ESPN

7 Miami vs 1 Clemson 5:00pm ABC

8 fOSU vs 4 Wisconsin 5:00pm FOX

STAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYY