The coaching staff and players of the University of Southern Florida football team were shocked this morning when the news broke that former WKU-USF-Oregon-FSU-ASU-UW coach Willie Taggart would be taking over the vacant USF job after a brief stop at Western Kentucky University for some of his things.

"...What he explained to me was (USF) was a place he admired as a youngster and early on in his career. It held a special place in his heart from a young age," said a drunken Floridian.

The tear-drenched Taggart addressed a skeptical group of players, then left too abruptly for further questioning.

Two hours later, Taggart appeared at a USF press conference. After riveting opening remarks and a standing ovation, the new head coach left with a smile.

"Have a great day if you want to," he said with one foot out the door.