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Weekend Quack Fix 1-12-2019: The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch

That’s right people, we’re talking Monty Python

ATQ has an intense love affair with Monty Python and the Holy Grail which just proves our considerable discernment and refined tastes, given that very little in the world could be more refined than 1970’s British sketch humor. The other day I was perusing the Twitterverse and came across a thread that included many of the famous and hilarious segments from the movie, and it got me to thinking: “If I could only pick ONE sentence from the movie to be my favorite, what would it be?”

Turns out this is a terrible endeavor. It would likely be easier to determine which of my two children I love more. I mean, is it one of the many deliberations about swallows carrying coconuts interwoven throughout the movie? Or perhaps something our favorite Black Knight says as he continues to battle King Arthur LIKE A BOSS while his arms are off? Or quite possibly one of the incredibly vulgar slurs hurled by the French Knights at the filthy English KNNNIGGTS?

Yet somehow, when reduced to only one sentence, these utterances are masterful in their simple absurdity. Take for instance, the following on it’s own merit and considering no context:

“Oh Knights of NI, you are just and fair and we will return with a shrubbery.”

Or the ATQ collective favorite: “She turned me into a newt!”

Or perhaps this line from the somewhat overlooked but entirely brilliant Holy Hand Grenade instruction manual: “Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.”


After much deliberation and a whole lot of ROTFL-ing, I’m going with the following line delivered by the very BEST character in the whole movie, the brilliant and not old (I’m 37!) Dennis:

“Listen, strange women lyin’ in ponds distributin’ swords is no basis for a system of government!”

Drop you favorite SINGLE LINE from the movie into the comments below. Only single sentences qualify, any exchanges between characters shall be like 5.

Before you go, here is your Duck week in review:

Toni Braxton Burmeister is going to Unbreak his Heart. We wish you all the best BB and hope you tear it up elsewhere.

Yaaaaay Big Brother Dye is coming back, keeping the band mostly intact for 2019.

Hopefully a few players done wrong by Slick Willie and his crew are going to get theirs.

Ugh, Men’s basketball.

But it’s okay, it turns out we’re a women’s basketball school anyway.