Ladies and Gentlemen, The First Couple and Champ
I'M CALLING IT, GODDAMNIT; President Meatsack has no path to victory; the ballots left to count in Arizona, Georgia, and Pennsylvania are trending overwhelmingly to the Democrats. Therefore, let me be the FIRST Journalist in 'Murica to say
FORMER VICE-PRESIDENT JOE BIDEN HAS WON THE PRESIDENCY. CONGRATULATIONS JOE AND JILL.